Jack & Coke

Wow...

2005-12-11T15:09:00.000-05:00

You must be doing some serious procrastination if you are reading this. I originally posted this on MySpace, because that is my new favorite way of being a tool, but I figured I would share it here, too, so that more than my 4 little friends on myspace could read it. It's called "I never knew law school could be this painful"

And don't just mean the emotionally draining and spiritually demoralizing type of painful either - that's old news that I have long since accepted. I'm talking about the actual physical pain I am feeling right now. My eyes feel like they are about to fall out of my head. Between the copious amounts of caffiene and steady diet of crap food, I think my stomach is on the verge of crawling out of my body and fighting me. And my shoulders and back hurt so much from sitting in front of my computer and typing for hours on end that I can barely lift my arms above my head. Plus, I am so tired that that last sentence originally said that I can barely lift my head above my shoulders. And I'm paying how much for this???

Oh boy...

2005-10-06T15:21:00.000-04:00

Keep an eye on this page - I may be coming back in the next few days. I think it's about time to release some of the nonsense I have built up so far this semester.

Also, I have spent a good portion of the class that I am in right now talking with a friend about how cool it would be to have a stripper walk into your class right while the teacher was talking to bring you a glass of ice and a bottle of Scotch.

HEY!

2005-09-13T22:43:00.000-04:00

Irini - you should be doing homework.

Peace out, bitches

2005-07-24T22:35:00.000-04:00

If you haven't been able to tell by the rate of my posts recently, my desire to blog is definitely waning. So, I'm out. I don't feel like writing anymore and to be honest I really don't even read anyone else's blog either, so it doesn't really make any sense to keep on with this. The only time I even think about this place any more is when I think to myself "man, I haven't written any thing in a while, I should put something up there." Plus, I can already tell that I am going to be incredibly busy this year at school and I don't need this hanging over my head. So, I hope you all enjoyed this little experiment while it lasted. I actually kept up with this for longer than I expected, but I don't feel like doing this anymore. Honestly, I don't think I am going to miss it. Also, I just have to add that I think it is fantastically ironic that the spellchecker on Blogger doesn't recognize the word "blog."

Later,
Jack

I could see the squirrels, then I deep fried them

2005-07-23T12:53:00.000-04:00

Imagine Milton from Office Space with an out of control Col. Sanders goatee - I sat across from him on the Metro yesterday. It was hard not to stare. Or laugh. He even had the huge glasses that made his eyes look enormous. I really wish I had a camera phone at the time. Or a police sketch artist.

Pretty standard, actually

2005-07-10T16:19:00.000-04:00

Great party last night, but one of the funniest things involved someone who wasn't even there. See, my good buddy Cruiser never showed up to the party. He wasn't there because he got lost between his place and the apartment where the party was. The funny thing about that is the fact that these two apartments are three blocks apart. I kinda had an idea that we wouldn't be seeing him based on some of the IMs I got from him right before I left. Cruiser had spent the entire day in Baltimore at the baseball game drinking much beer. Here's what he had to say, starting with right before I left, continuing through the night and then picking up again this morning. Everything is taken verbatim, including the spellings.

Cruiser (8:46:46 PM): dude, you there?
Jack (8:46:58 PM): yeah
Cruiser (8:48:29 PM): y9
Cruiser (8:48:38 PM): i;ll be at your place in 20 min
Cruiser (8:48:47 PM): proch
Jack (8:48:49 PM): my place or debs
Cruiser (8:48:52 PM): i cant find my phone
Cruiser (8:48:58 PM): is it your phace lr cebs?
Jack (8:49:04 PM): debs
Cruiser (8:49:07 PM): sih
Jack (8:49:08 PM): how drunk are you
Cruiser (8:49:09 PM): i mean
Cruiser (8:49:10 PM): ish
Cruiser (8:49:12 PM): drunk
Jack (8:49:17 PM): no kidding
Cruiser (8:49:20 PM): ish
Cruiser (8:49:42 PM): as long as people will anser my phone
Cruiser (8:49:48 PM): i just can;t phine my own phone
Cruiser is away at 8:49:54 PM.
Cruiser returned at 9:05:25 PM.
Cruiser (9:05:31 PM): gimme your phone #
Cruiser (9:05:35 PM): now
Cruiser (9:05:37 PM): now
Cruiser (9:05:38 PM): now
Cruiser (9:05:39 PM): now
Cruiser (9:05:40 PM): now
Cruiser (9:05:41 PM): now
Cruiser (9:05:41 PM): now
Cruiser (9:05:42 PM): now
Cruiser (9:05:43 PM): now
Cruiser (9:05:44 PM): now
Cruiser (9:05:45 PM): now
Cruiser (9:05:46 PM): now
Cruiser (9:05:46 PM): now
Cruiser (9:05:47 PM): now
Cruiser (9:05:48 PM): now
Cruiser (9:05:49 PM): now
Cruiser (9:05:50 PM): now
Cruiser (9:05:52 PM): now
Cruiser (9:05:56 PM): yo0u cikc
Cruiser signed off at 9:06:08 PM.
Cruiser signed on at 9:14:38 AM.
Cruiser (9:14:58 AM): sorry dude - i got lost between your place and mine
Cruiser (9:15:04 AM): you think i'm just joking
Cruiser (9:15:08 AM): but no, i seriously got lost
Cruiser (9:15:16 AM): (i was kind of "housed")

I particularly like the y9 - I'm not really sure what that means.

America, fuck yeah!

2005-07-05T00:43:00.000-04:00

So I just got back from watching the fireworks on the mall. Just when living in the heart of D.C, right near all the monuments and such, becomes commonplace, you walk up onto your friend's roof on the 4th of July and the Washington Monument is right in front of you and the Capitol is to your right, a handful of blocks away and lit up by floodlights. Needless to say, the view was great, as was the company. It was a great way to spend the holiday - we got to enjoy the downtown fireworks without the downtown crowds or traffic. Plus, none of the people who braved the crowds on the mall got to see Saucy Little Hat, the smallest of all of us there, freak out about falling through the roof because it felt squishy. That was almost as entertaining as the Beach Boys, who appeared to be coked out beyond belief and sounded like they hadn't performed together since the Reagan administration. Unfortunately, tomorrow it's back to the old grind. Fortunately, the boss is out of town all week.

Also, I just had three hot dogs - they were scrumtralescent.

Semper Fi

2005-07-04T02:10:00.000-04:00

So, I went to dinner with a couple of bloggers tonight. It was a good time. Based on the way these two talk, I was kinda expecting that there would be plenty of libations enjoyed, but apparently these two can't hang. Thankfully, they had their friend E with them. He is a Lance Coproral in the Marine Corps and a flight engineer on the C-130, in addition to being a private pilot, so needless to say, we had a lot to talk about. Additionally, we decided that we weren't quite ready to call it an evening just as we were walking past Fado Irish Pub. We stopped in to grab a pint or two, and next thing we knew, it was last call. Go figure - I was at an Irish Pub until last call. Just to make things a little more interesting, about a half hour before last call, a party bus showed up with a whole group of people who were on a costume party pub crawl. It was crazy - I came back from the little boy's room to find at least four women wearing wings. There was also a guy in a chicken hat. I'm not making this up. We were complimented by a sweet young lass on our Irish names, which always makes me proud - we won't hold the fact that she was Scottish against her. Last I saw, E was climbing on the party bus, of to who knows where. Hopefully, I will get the rest of the story tomorrow.

Also, it is well past midnight here, so happy 4th of July. God Bless America, now let's go blow some shit up.

Who would have thunk it?

2005-07-03T16:54:00.000-04:00

Apparently, they have these places called grocery stores where you can buy food to eat for dinner that isn't chicken strips and macaroni and cheese. They even have fruits and vegetables and other things that don't make your arteries clog. What will they think of next?

Stupidest. Law. Ever.

2005-07-03T05:27:00.000-04:00

I have heard some stupid laws in my day. You don't even have to be a law student to hear some of them - they have books full of stupid laws from all over the country. You know, things like it some backwater town in Nebraska (i.e. any town in Nebraska) it's illegal to eat an ice cream cone while walking down the street and wearing a green shirt on the third Tuesday of the month. Shit like that. But tonight, I heard what is quite possibly the stupidest law ever. You are never going to believe this. You ready for it?

In Washington D.C., our nation's capitol, it is against the law for strippers to give lap dances. Yes, you read that right. Strippers in D.C. are prohibited by law from giving lap dances.

We took Mother to the titty bar tonight to celebrate his last few weeks of freedom. A short while into the evening, we came to learn of the afore mentioned law. How absurd is that?!? I mean really, here we are in the capitol of this Great Nation, on Independence Day weekend, nonetheless, and we want to take our friend out to see some titties before he gets married. What could be more American than that? All we asked for was for a little one-on-one time with the groom, but alas, that was not possible. I mean, don't get me wrong, there were plenty of titties to be seen, but it just seemed so impersonal. We will definitely remember this for the next time we have a bachelor in search of a good time.

Despite the lap dance ban, it was a good night. There was much drunkenness (with yours truly, surprisingly, being the most sober one at the end of the night). There were many great quotes, but this was a full on guy's night and there are a number of significant others who read this blog, so they will not be posted. I'll tell you that we had to send one guy home to a girlfriend with a note - I can't wait to hear how that turned out.

Well, the sun's coming up - I guess I had better get to bed. If any of you are looking for something to do in your free time, you could take a few minutes to write to Tony Williams, the mayor of D.C., to see about changing the laws in this place so that drunk guys can get a little love from some trashy chicks in trucker hats.

I'm not proud of this

2005-07-02T10:44:00.000-04:00

So, apparently THL has deemed this week to be National Confess Something On Your Blog Week. This couldn't come at a better time, since there has been something that I have needed to get off my chest for a long time. It is something that I did a while ago, and I have never told anybody about this until today. It's sort of a big deal, so it is going to feel good to get this out in the open, I think. Anyway, here is my confession...

I let the dogs out.

Whew - it feels good to get that out there. Now I can go on living again.

You're giving men everywhere a bad name.

2005-06-28T17:53:00.000-04:00

Just a quick question for all of you idiot men that I see in your business attire on the Metro in the morning...IS IT THAT HARD TO UNDERSTAND THAT YOU DON'T BUTTON THE BOTTOM BUTTON OF YOUR SUIT JACKET?!?

This has been the rule since pretty much forever. It isn't too hard to remember. If you do need help remembering, here is a little hint. If you are wearing a three button jaceket, the rules for buttoning, from top to bottom are sometimes, always, never. If you are wearing a two button jacket, take away the top button sometimes. If your jacket has too many buttons for these hints to work for, take it off and donate it to goodwill, as it went out of style a number of years ago. Seriously, when you button your bottom button, you look like a Douche - not a douche, a Douche. A lot of the times that I see this is on college interns heading to the hill. That is to be expected somewhat, but nevertheless unfortunate. However, I have seen this on quite a few grown men, and that is just unacceptable. Come on, guys, let's all get on the same page here.

Yes, I am a clothing/fashion whore. No, I swear I am not gay (not that there's anythig wrong with that).

A collection of somewhat amusing stuff

2005-06-22T22:50:00.000-04:00

So, in the course of all of my research at work, I have run across a number of things that strike me as funny (at least, at the time). I usually write these down with the intention of posting them here for all of you to see (I still haven't done the whole blogging at work thing - call me a chicken, I don't care). However, I have yet to actually come home and share these tidbits with you...until now. Here's just a few...

"The place of the tragedy was approximately 100 feet east from the mobile home." Simpspn v. Smith, 771 S.W.2d 368 (Mo. Ct. App. 1989). Couldn't you also likely say that the place of the even bigger tragedy was approximately 100 feet west from the death? There is some more funny shit in this case if you have Westlaw access and some spare time - there is even what I believe was a domestic dispute to which the man arrived at the woman's trailer on his tractor.
I signed up for an online flight planning program so that I could get a better idea of the route of flight of the crash I am working on. Before I could complete the registration, I had to, of course, do the whole licensing agreement deal, just like with pretty much every other online sign up. The difference with this one was that the first sentence of the agreement, in all caps bold letters, was "PROPER AND OR IMPROPER USE OF THIS PRODUCT COULD KILL YOU." Talk about cutting right to the chase and not sugar coating things.
For all of my section 14ers, tell me that this isn't Todd the Bod to a T - Footnote 1 of a Missouri Appellate Court opinion, at the conclusion of the first paragraph where Presiding Judge Laura Denvir Stith gives a brief synopsis of the case, reads as follows: "We commend counsel for both parties for their excelent briefing and argument of the complex issues involved in this case." Ferrellgass, L.P. v. Williamson (Mo. Ct. App. 2000).
Finally, here is another bit of aviation humor. This was actually heard on the tower control frequency...

Male Pilot: "Tower, flight 856 with you out of 13,000 feet for 10,000, requesting runway 15."
Female Air Traffic Controller: "Flight 856, tower, last time I gave a pilot what he wanted, I was on penicillin for three weeks, expect runway 6.

That's all for now, hope this brought a little joy to your evening.

Good point

2005-06-22T00:32:00.000-04:00

So I was out watching the Pistons/Spurs game with a bunch of my friends who are Pistons fans (including Detroit and her bf, go figure). As the game was winding down and it was obvious that the Pistons were going to win, everyone started making plans for game 7. Detroit's bf - let's call him Houdini - said that the can go somewhere and really cut loose because he has plenty of sick days. Detroit responded to this by reminding him that he just got finished telling her that he had a ton of work to do, to the point that it might not be the best idea to take a fake sick day. To this, Houdini responded, "well, if I go out and drink a bunch of beers Thursday night, I will really be sick on Friday." Can't argue with that.

Run, Forrest, Run

2005-06-20T23:36:00.000-04:00

So I was standing in front of my apartment talking to my frined Dallas tonight when I saw something that made me laugh my ass off. In the middle of the street right in front of my place, the police have put one of those little portable machine deals that checks your speed and then displays it on a screen as you are driving by. While we were standing there, a group of people walked by on their way back to the dorms at GW. One of them decided he wanted to test the machine, so he went out into the middle of the street and ran as fast as he could past the thing. Just seeing some dude sprint down the middle of a six lane road past this speed limit machine was a funny sight. It was made even better with the flip-flop sound effect that went with it. It did make me question the validity of the machine, however - it said he was going 17 miles per hour. Seeing how running is obviously not one of my favorite things to do, I really have no way to judge this, but I don't really think this guy was doing 17 in a 25. Who knows, I may be wrong. It was damn funny, though.

Holy fuckin' shit

2005-06-19T01:19:00.000-04:00

So, I went to a party tonight. MMM had a party at her apartment. Seeing as how MMM is from New Mexico and she is a phenomenal cook, there was a ton of southwestern food. All of the food was scrumtralescent. The enchiladas were amazing. However, the best part of the night - actually, I shouldn't take away from MMM"s cooking skillz by saying this was the best part of the night - I guess I should say the part of the night that is having the greatest effect on me is the margaritas.

Let me say that again - the fucking MARGARITAS!!!

I guess it has been a long time since I have had tequila, or maybe it was the fact that these were quite possibly the strongest margaritas I have ever had, but regardless, I am fucking rocked right now. Honestly, I only had about 4 or 5 margaritas, but I am so hammered that the world is spinning right now. I can't remember the last time this little alcohol has gotten me this fucked up.

Currently, I am listening to Eddie Murphy do his impression of Bill Cosby on the Raw record and laughing my ass off. Obviously, Mother gets this based on the conversation we have just had, but if you haven;t heard this shit, it is fucking hilarious. First of all, Bill Cosby is fucking hilarious - watch or listen to every stand up thing he has ever done ever. After that (and it helps to see him live, take this from me), watch Eddie Murphy do his impression of Bill Cosby on the Raw video - it is the fucking funniest thing ever. All I have to say is "next time he call, tell him to suck my dick - Tell him I said have a Coke and a smile and shut the fuck up...Jello pudding pop eating mother fucker." Seriously, right about now, this is the funniest shit right about now, but I guess you have to be here to appreciate this.

Anyway, I guess I had better go start the process of trying to go to bed tonight without dying. This ought to be good. Tomorrow is going to suck.

It shouldn't be this difficult

2005-06-18T16:04:00.000-04:00

So I went to lunch today at Quiznos - it was almost as big of a disaster as my shoes from the other day. I know that this place isn't necessarily a five star restaurant, but come on. First of all, I have a problem with how the idiot made my sandwich. I am going to go ahead and explain this problem to you, but it is going to involve a somewhat detailed discussion of lunch meats and sandwich design all leading up to what is most likely a less than exciting finish, so I fully understand if you want to skip this part of the post. Anyway, I ordered my favorite sub from Quiznos, the Classic Italian. The Classic Italian consists of salami, pepperoni, capicola, ham, mozzarella, lettuce, tomato, red onion, black olives, Red Wine Vinaigrette Dressing. First things first, I always get this without the tomatoes, because I can't stand the texture, and without black olives, because I would rather punch myself in the crotch than eat disgusting black olives, but I digress. Getting back to my problem with the construction of my sandwich today, let me explain to you how they normally make this kind of sandwich. Usually, they have the meat sliced and prepared ahead of time in little wax paper packages. When you order the sandwich, they open the little package and the meat is already all arranged to go on the bread. They have it laid out so that the capicola and ham are on one side of a roll that is sliced open (i.e. what becomes the bottom half of the sandwich) and the salami and pepperoni are on the other (i.e. what becomes the top half). After this, they put the cheese in the middle then fold it all up. When you get a large sandwich, as I did today due to the fact that I hadn't eaten all day and I was hungover hungry, they use two of these meat packages. They sort of combine the meat from two packages - all the ham and capicola on one side and all the salami and pepperoni on the other for an even distribution of meat in every bite. I have had this sandwich prepared in this manner on a number of occasions and it is usually fantastic. Today, however, was an entirely different story, See, when the genius today made the sandwich, he mixed up the meat. He put all of the ham and capicola on one end and all of the salami and pepperoni on the other. The end result was that halfway through the sandwich, the entire thing changed. It was like having two totally different sandwiches. It certainly was not the even distribution of delicious meats that I have come to expect from my Classic Italian Quiznos sub. Needless to say, I was rather disappointed.

I thought that would be the extent of my disappointment, but I was wrong. Now, there was a steady flow of customers in there, but it wasn't overwhelmingly crowded or anything like that. However, the numbnuts at the cash register was fucking everything up. It was taking him forever and a day to ring people out, so the sandwiches that were ready to go were getting backed up. Then, some of the sandwiches got out of order and that just totally blew this kid's mind. He got all flustered and started giving everyone the wrong sandwiches. The manager came over and had an idea of what the problem was, but this was the funniest part. He immediately started accusing the customers standing in line of getting out of order and fucking everything up, like we all decided to play a prank on the cash register idiot or we were too stupid to figure out how to stand in a line. He never even imagined that it was his idiot employees who were getting the sandwiches out of order. And he wasn't very nice about it either - he started telling the customers very sternly to not get out of order in the line. To make matters worse, one of the sandwiches just totally disappeared, but these two geniuses working there were sticking to their "the line is out of order" story and it took them about ten minutes to realize that this poor bastard's sandwich had gotten completely lost. Then, just to make it worse, right after I ordered, a tour group of about 25 people came in all at once. That was about three hours ago - I wonder if they have their lunch yet?

Is there anything wrong with wearing flip-flops with a suit?

2005-06-18T11:48:00.000-04:00

So I got some new shoes last weekend. Dress shoes to wear to work in a color other than black. They are good shoes from a reputable brand that is known for making comfortable dress shoes for men. I tried them on in the store. They fit well and felt comfortable. I figured it would be no problem getting these broken in. I finally wore them to work yesterday, and let me tell you, it was one of the worst shoe experiences I've ever had.

I could feel blisters forming on my heels and on my little toes. To make matters worse, I did a lot of extra walking yesterday because I met a friend of mine for lunch in Chinatown. Now, I have had blisters before, and I figured these would be about the same. I was wrong.

The socks that I wore yesterday look like something from the Curt Schilling collection. There are two huge bloodstains on the heels. There are also two spots about the size of a quarter on each of my heals where there is essentially no skin. Needless to say, it is a little tender. The worst part isn't even that, though, it is my pinky toes. The left one isn't too bad - there is just a barely noticeable little blister there. The right one, however, is a different story. There is a huge, disgusting blood-filled blister covering essentially my entire little toe. It is gross and nasty and disgusting and gross. It is big and angry looking and dark red and kinda squishy. It's not even that it hurts that much - it's just disgusting to look at. I try to cover it up with a band aid, but it is hard to get it to stick to my itty bitty toe. Maybe tonight I will just make it my goal to gross out as many people as possible. Should be fun.

The voices in my head are cracking up

2005-06-14T22:26:00.000-04:00

If you had been inside my head while I was riding home on the metro today, you would have heard something like this...

"Did that guy just seriously say 'come on people, let's pick up the pace' during rush hour? Well before the "doors closing' warning? That guy with the sweet fanny pack??? And now is he wondering out loud why nobody wants to sit next to him? I should go kick him in the face. I like nachos"

That last part really doesn't have anything to do with the rest of it - I just like nachos so much that they are always randomly popping into my head.

1-800-USA-RAIL

2005-06-13T17:58:00.000-04:00

As if the aviation industry wasn't already in the shitter enough, here is a little something that will probably convince all of those who are on the fence about flying to just go ahead and drive anywhere. It is something I stumbled across in a case opinion while doing research from the crash case I am working on right now.

"Dr. William R. Kinklow, an FAA pathologist, testified that the three persons on board the aircraft had various multiple fractures of multiple bones, very severe head injuries, including partial decapitation and avulsion of the skull, where most of the brain was spilled out, severe chest injuries, multiple fractures of the ribs with probable compression of the chest to the extent that the heart actually burst in one victim, a tear in the major artery across the chest of the pilot, which in Dr. Kinklow's opinion indicated very severe impact on landing."

Very severe impact on landing? Really? Really?

Shooter!!!!

2005-06-10T01:29:00.000-04:00

Hey, y'all,

It's Thursday (I guess technically, it's Friday, but you get the idea) and if you have been a reader for any time now, you know what that means. Yeah, that's right, I went out and had a few beers tonight. Apparently, our plans to go to the hill tonight fell through, so it ended up being me and Cruiser at Lindy's - go figure. Needless to say, we had a good time. Now, I am just waiting until I get to a place where I can go to sleep without the world spinning an throwing me off.

In the mean time, I will take a chance to tell you about my job. In a word, it is fucking sweet. It is like the missing link I have been looking for. Let me explain that. Relatively speaking, I enjoyed my first year of law school. I enjoyed my LRW class, which, as all of you law students know, is apparently the closest thing that first years do to doing what lawyers actually do in real life. And while I enjoyed that stuff, it was kinda shitty because I really didn't care much about the subject matter I was researching and writing. Now, however, I am doing that kind of stuff with a topic that I absolutely love. Let me say this - I looooooove aviation and all things related to the industry. Just reading about and talking about the industry again for the first time in about three years has been wonderful. Being able to do law stuff and aviation stuff at the same time is so enjoyable. Oh yeah, for all of those who didn't know, I am working at the FAA Office of the Chief Counsel. Yeah, I have only been there a week, but I am really enjoying it. And to make it all better, I get to see what it is like to go to the office hung over tomorrow.

Anyway, I guess I had better get to sleep or something like that. It was good talking to you - hopefully I will be around more in the future.

Peace,
Jack

p.s. "Well, welcome everybody to Wooly's place - you can pull up a chair or you can pull up my face" - Bonus points to anyone who knows what song is in my head right now and who it is by (except Law and Alcoholism - I will be disappointed if you don't know this).

Fuckin' A, Bubba

2005-06-05T03:11:00.000-04:00

It's been a while since I have done this, but I am drunk and I am bloging - here goes nothing. I guess this is kinda my last hurrah before I start work on Monday, so I kinda went all out tonight. It was a good night. I met up with SS, Detroit, and Detroit's BF to watch the basketball game. The best part about that was that they had been at a wine tasting all day. Making things even better is the fact that Detroit's BF, PS, weighs about 100 pounds soaking wet. Now, PS is a great guy and all, but needless to say, he was pretty drunk already when I met him. The handful of pithers during the game just made things even better. Now, after the game was over, SS kept talking about the women who were going to meet us in Adams Morgan, should we venture there from the NoVa area. We all piled in a cab and ended up at Adam's Mill, which was honestly a good time, despite it being in the Adams Morgan area. By the time SS's girls showed up, it was about a half hour wait to get into the bar we were at so I guess it was time to move. We ended up at some place that I have never been to before, and I don't know the name, but it was pretty cool. The drinks were pretty reasonably priced, for DC, and SS's ladies were good company too, so it was a good time all in all. The only problem was the line for the men's room. It was so bad that even I couldn't stand in it. By the time we were leaving, it was getting to about that point where ol' Jack really had to go. The line for the bathroom was seriously too long to even bother waiting in, so I gave up on that real quick. I was waiting for SS to see if he was ever going to close the deal with one of the lady friends he met up with, but he was taking such a sweet ass time that I couldn't take it anymore. I finally jumped in a cab by myself, and let me tell you, this was the most painful cab ride of my entire life. I had to go so bad that i could barely even think straight. Unfortunately, I got in the cab right about the time that alll the bars closed in AM, so the traffic was horrendous. To make matters worse, I had one of those cabbies who felt it was necessary to talk the entire way home. I have to be honest - I reallly didn't want to talk to this guy. All I could think about was getting home and urinating. Finally, we made it somewhat close to my apartment. Unfortunately, as close as a cab cab get you is still pretty far from my place, so after throwing the guy some money, I damn near sprinted to my place. Once I got there, I ran to the bathroom and peed for what felt like an half hour. It was amazing - orgasmic, almost. That is pretty much the story of the night. I have had the hiccups since about the time in the story when we got to the second bar in Adams Morgan. That is really starting to piss me off, especially since nothing I do seems to make them go away. Also, I already have to pee again. I guess I had better go take care of some business instead of spending the entire night blogging. I hope you enjoy this alll. I am sure there are plenty of typos, but I am not going to sppellcheck this one just so I can see now much of an ass I am tomorrow when I read this thing. Hope you enjoyed this. Until next time.

Regards,
Jack

p.s. Hey, Liz, the ten small sips followed by a burp is not helping with the hiccups - we're fighting.

Books are your friend.

2005-06-03T11:07:00.000-04:00

Hey y'all, how's it been going. Things are great here. I start work on Monday, finally. Things have been getting pretty boring around here, especially because all of my friends have already started working. I've had a weird experience over the past few weeks. I love to read in my free time and was looking forward to the time I had off between finals and work to do some reading that I hadn't had a chance to do during the school year. I went out and bought a bunch of books right after finals were over. I have always been a reader of non-fiction stuff. I tend to pick up books on either politics and current events or military, particularly WWII, history. I have shelves of these books and always have enjoyed reading them. This is where the something funny happened. I started to get a little bored with the book I was reading (Citizen Soldier by Stephen Ambrose). I would pick it up and read a few pages here and there, but I couldn't really get into it like I usually do with books. I figured it was just a factor of my overall boredom that I didn't want to sit around my apartment reading all day. Then a friend of mine said something that really hit me. We were talking about the books we were reading and I mentioned the war book I was reading and she said, "I can't read that stuff, I read to escape reality." It may not seem like much, especially considering we were both pretty drunk at the time, but it really struck me later. I remember sitting in my apartment and looking at my book on the coffee table and thinking to myself, "I do not want to read this at all. It is 600 pages about war and death and suffering, and I know how it turns out in the end." I also was really turned off by the idea of picking up one of my politically themed books and reading another so called pundit piss and moan on and on about how awful the other side is but never say anything worthwhile or suggest a way to make things better. At this point, I was lost because my interest had been so narrow that I had no idea what to read. Thankfully, I had the latest issue of ESPN The Magazine to hold me over. Eventually I got around to asking my friend from above what she suggested I read. She recommended a book called Life of Pi by Yann Martel. I picked it up the other day and I have to admit it is a really good read. It's kinda hard to explain what it is all about without getting too in depth - just summarizing it in a sentence or two doesn't give it justice. The thing I really like about it is how many times it has stopped and made me think. I have about 100 pages to go and now I can't put it down. You should check it out. On that note, I am going to grab some lunch and finish this off.

No clever title

2005-05-24T20:26:00.000-04:00

So I took that rant downe because it was disjointed and stupid and based on the comments I was getting, people weren't grasping the message anyway. I'm not depressed or bummed out or anything like that, and this is not just about being bored because I don't have anything going on right now - if I couldn't get over something like that it would be pretty fucking pathetic. I guess it is hard for me to put what I am feeling into words that people who don't know me will understand. Actually, there is pretty much only one person who knows what I am trying to say. I talked to him last night - all I had to say was, "Ten ought to be enough, don't you think? You think we need one more? You think we need one more. All right, we'll get one more." and he knew exactly what I was talking about. It's nice having someone you can talk to who understands you even when you make no sense. Thanks, bro - HFF.

God bless the youth of America

2005-05-21T16:48:00.000-04:00

Recently, LeBron James has fired his real, honest-to-god-actually-went-to-law-school agents and replaced them with buddies Maverick Carter, Randy Mims and Rich Paul. The quartet has taken to calling themselves The Four Horsemen. While that sounds cute, I guess when you coast your way through high school playing basketball, you never learn that the original Four Horsemen were War, Famine, Pestilence and Death. I wonder which one King James is?

Worst. Oral. Argument. Ever.

2005-05-20T02:38:00.000-04:00

Wow - this makes me feel sooooo much better about my performance in the moot court competition. Words can't even describe the trainwreck that is this guy's argument. Just click here to have a listen - it may take a little while to load but it is worth it and, thankfully for counsel, it doesn't last too long - it is worth it to listen to the whole thing just to hear the government's response.

(thanks to whoever it was that first brought this up tonight and to everyone who clogged my inbox with a link.)

UPDATE: Instead of clicking on the link above, which apparently doesn't work anymore, click here and search for docket number 04-2732

Pop a top

2005-05-18T19:37:00.000-04:00

After reading this article, I know for sure that, once I finally get around to doing the laundry I wrote about a few days ago, the first thing I am going to wash is going to be my pink polo.

I think this one falls under FRCP 69

2005-05-18T17:58:00.000-04:00

There must have been some interesting depositions in this case.

(thanks, Cruiser)
See alsothis post at Volokh, where the author addresses the legal outcome of the case while at the same time trying (unsuccessfully - it is just too easy in this case) to avoid any double entendres. (Also contains a link to the court's opinion if you are interested)(thanks, Georgia B)

Oh Snap!

2005-05-17T23:55:00.000-04:00

So I was taking a trip down memory lane tonight and reading some funny pilot stories. I found one that I thought was pretty hilarious so I will share it with you. I would imagine that this will probably only be funny to the handful of pilot buddies who read this blog, but I have a few beers in me so I am going to share it anyway. Just to set it up a little bit, when you fly into a big airport that you have never been to before, it can be difficult to find your way around on the taxiways. Anyway, here's the story...

"The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them.

So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.

Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."

Ground: "Speedbird 206 Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."

The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.

Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"

Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."

Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"

Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, -- And I didn't land"

Maybe you don't have to be a pilot to appreciate that, but either way, I think it is pretty funny and that is all that matters. I could share some stories that are even funnier, but I don't want to scare any of y'all away from flying.

So it begins

2005-05-15T23:42:00.000-04:00

Well, I took a week to relax and worry about nothing. It was wonderful. I was absolutely worthless. However, starting tomorrow, I will have worth. While I still have some three weeks before I start work, there is still plenty I can do in the mean time. First and foremost, I am going to kill my roommate. Those of you who know me are probably thinking, "but he doesn't have a roommate." That is true. There is no human who lives in my apartment with me. However, there is a creature living in my apartment. It is made of laundry and it is trying to takeover the world. I fear that if I don't start systematically dismantling it by washing it one load at a time, it will crawl out of the closet and consume me. The beast is pictured below.

The Monster

If you look closely, on the right hand side just past the door, you will see that the monster is trying to save its own life by kidnapping the laundry detergent. It won't be easy, but I think if I work hard enough, I will prevail.

I have to admit, this creature is partly of my own making. See, I have a ton of clothes. In fact, I am a bit of a clothing whore. Actually, it's more like a huge clothing whore. As a result of this, I can go a long time - months, even - without doing laundry. Naturally, I have taken advantage of this and done as little laundry as possible over the past few months (also, I have made a couple of trips to Target to buy new socks and underbritches instead of washing the old ones). While it may seem like a good thing to be able to go months without doing laundry, there is a downside. When I do finally run out of clean clothes, as is the case now, it is quite the challenge to get it all cleaned again. I am looking forward to days if not weeks doing laundry in order to get it all clean.

It will be a great battle, but I will fight tooth and nail and, if I work hard and if Providence shines down upon me, good will prevail.

More pictures:

Note the attempted capture of the laundry detergent.

This is a shot of the once thriving closet that has been decimated by the laundry monster.

Face to face with the evil beast.

I miss it already...wait, no

2005-05-14T14:37:00.000-04:00

This is a fucking great rant about studying in the law library during finals.

(thanks, Inter Alia)

Friday Spies: Firday the 13th Edition

2005-05-14T13:25:00.000-04:00

Well, it's been a while since I have done one of these. Apologies to the folks at BTQ, I have been a little busy recently. Hell, maybe since I have all the free time in the world now, I might go back and do some of the ones I missed. Anyhoo...

1. If you could change any element of your physical appearance, would
you? If so, what would you change? If you could change any aspect of
your personality would you?

In terms of my physical appearance, I would have rock hard abs and smooth, bronze skin - you know, like Men's Health cover model material.

In terms of personality, I wouldn't change a goddamn thing.

2. Name a good make-out song (I believe the kids these days would call
that "baby-making music").

While Marvin Gaye's Sexual Healing is a classic, I like to mix it up with the solo acousitc cover of that song by Ben Harper. It's smooth.

3. What did Britney say to Kevin when she found out she was pregnant?
What was his response?

B: Guess what Kevie-poo? I'm knocked up!
K: Do what?
B: Dang, y'all, I said I'm pregnant.
K: Sweet - can I go out and play?

4. Did Oswald act alone?

Back, and to the left... back, and to the left... back, and to the left. Honestly, I don't know - it's a mystery wrapped in a riddle inside an enigma. But I sure would like to find out. Maybe they'll tell me when I am elected President.

5. Are you superstitious? Do you believe in luck, karma, fate, the
supernatural, etc?

I'm not really superstitious or any of that stuff. I don't think that I will have 7 years of bad luck if I break a mirror or any of that nonsense. Karma, fate, the supernatural...I don't know what all that is. I mean, I know what it is, but it seems to me to be a bunch of different ways to explain the unexplainable. What I do believe is that the Hand of God touches my life and moves me along the path that He has in mind for me. I don't believe my life is predetermined, but I do think I am part of a bigger plan. I think everything happens for a reason, even if it doesn't make sense or we don't understand it at the time. Nonetheless, I don't let any of these beliefs run my life. They are sort of a way that I look at things in retrospect. I tend to act on the spur of the moment, so at the time I am doing something, I don't really think about any of these things. But when I look back at what has happened and I ask why things turned out the way things did, I tend to believe that it is because that is how He wanted them to turn out. Or something like that. Whatever.

WTF brah?!?

2005-05-12T00:09:00.000-04:00

What the hell is the big deal with Mariah Carey? She just came on the Leno show and the people went bat shit crazy. Seriously, what's the big deal?

Also, how great is the expression bat shit crazy? I have to admit that I never heard this expression until studying for finals this semester. That may say something about 1L finals, but that is neither here nor there. Anyway, since then I have heard it in multiple places since then and I have to admit that I like the phrase despite the fact that I have never come into contact with any bat shit and therefore have no first hand experience as to how crazy said bat shit is.

Also, I have to admit that I am not happy with the new Subway commercials. I am not really happy with any Subway commercials, especially the ones that have Jared in them. The commercial I am talking about is the one where our boy J says that Subway is doubling their menu because you can get any sub toasted now. I don't think that is really doubling. That is just saying that you can get all of the same old sandwiches cooked now. It would be akin to McDonald's saying that they have doubled their menu by saying that they offer all of their sandwiches raw now. Sorry, Jered, I'm not buying it.

Your ego's writing checks your body can't cash

2005-05-11T23:07:00.000-04:00

So apparently there was a big ol' security scare in DC today. Despite living about 6 blocks from the evacuated White House, I didn't even hear about this until about 6pm. Oh well. Anyway, apparently two guys flew there Cessna 150 into the prohibited airspace over DC, prompting the evacuation of the aforementioned White House in addition to the Capitol and the Supreme Court. As I pilot myself, I just have this to offer. These guys are freakin' idiots. I learned to fly before 9/11 and even then you just don't fly into this airspace, period. There are plenty of what are called "restricted" areas all over the country. Your best bet is to steer clear of these, but even these can be penetrated in certain circumstances. But the airspace over DC is called "prohibited" and flying in it is just that - prohibited, end of story. I haven't flown around here since I moved here and one of the reasons is the fact that it is such a pain in the ass to deal with the airspace restrictions around here, not to mention the fact that I have no desire to deal with the consequences of an even unintentional violation. These two cats are not going to be flying for a while. Even if the deal today was an accident, it led to the evacuation of some 15,000 people and the launching of 2 Air Force jets and an Army helicopter. Chances are the instructor was building his time to get a job at an airline. I hope he wasn't looking forward to that too much. This makes me wish that my internship at the FAA Chief Counsel office had already started today - this would be fun to talk about at the office.

A letter

2005-05-11T11:08:00.000-04:00

Dear Guy Operating a Jackhammer Directly Outside My Window,

I fucking hate you. I hope you get hit by a truck.

Toodles,
Jack

Take a look at my cousin, he's broke, don't do shit.

2005-05-09T20:05:00.000-04:00

So I thought with finals being over and school out for the semester, Ithought I would have free time to do interesting things that I would be able to write about. I was wrong. Here's a quick rundown of what I did today. Get ready to be wowed...

Woke up early to let my buddy borrow my car
Spent most of the morning laying in bed either reading or sleeping
Ate lunch - chicken strips and mini corn dogs
Watched Family Guy
Watched Friday Night Lights (fairly decent, I thought)
Read a little more
Took a nap - all that work today had tuckered me out
Woke up, read a little more
Ate dinner - chicken strips and mini corn dogs (that's not a typo)
Watched 3 more episodes of Family Guy
Wrote a blog post

Pretty exciting, I know. Just in case you were wondering, here's what I have in store for the rest of the evening...

Watch more Family Guy (I am borrowing season 3 on DVD from Mother)
Read until I fall asleep

As you can see, my summer vacation has been amazing so far. I don't start work for another month, so I have a lot more of this to look forward to. One thing that has been bothering me today is the fact that when I had 20 or so pages of Contracts reading, I put off doing it as long as I could and when I did get around to it, it ended up taking me hours, but today on my first day of summer break where I had nothing planned, I've already read 140 pages. How does that happen. Maybe next year, instead of taking something like contracts, I should take Law and The Story of a WWII bomber crew as told by Stephen Ambrose - maybe then I would actually be able to get ahead in my reading for class. Well, I guess I had better get back to it - I have a lot I have to get done before I go to bed.

Frito Boats

2005-05-08T12:11:00.000-04:00

E. McPan will be happy - I had my first Frito Boat ever last night. It was amazing - everything I hoped it would be. Even better than the Frito Pie itself, however, was watching Cruiser try to make the Frito Pie. Reckless made a smart move when he went shopping. He bought enough stuff to make one batch when he first got there in the afternoon and one batch when the night was winding down and we were well into our cups. It is this second batch that Cruiser tried to cook. Naturally, since it was Cruiser and he had consumed numerous mint juleps at this point, he had some difficulties. First, he took the huge can of chili and put it directly on the stove without even opening it and turned the gas up to high. When we told him that this was likely to lead to an explosion and he needed to open the can and maybe put the chili in a pot, did he get a can opener? No, he didn't. Instead, he took a table knife and stabbed the can in an attempt to open it. Seriously, one swing and he had that knife up to the handle in a can of chili. At this point, after we all stopped laughing uncontrollably, we decided it would be best to keep Cruiser away from any sharp objects. Pretty standard for Cruiser, really.

And they're off...

2005-05-08T02:06:00.000-04:00

Well, this was supposed to be a good post. It was about thirty seconds from having an even better update. However, for the sake of a friend, I am deleting what I worte about the Kentucky Derby party tonight. It must suck to not have any balls.

"It is finished"

2005-05-06T12:00:00.000-04:00

1L year = over! I honestly don't even know what to do with myself right now. I have a month until work starts and right now i have absolutely nothing to do with myself - no reading, no briefs to write, no finals to study for. It is great. I don't even know what to write. It was a great feeling when the timer went off at the end of civ pro yesterday. After that, it was celebration time and we gave 110% to say the least. Ten bottles of champagne lasted less than an hour. A good time was had by all, and there were a ton of things that I wanted to write about. Unfortunately, the details of those things are somewhat hazy, so I will have to update as they come back to me today (WonL, if you are reading this, there was something you did that I was going to share with the world - if you remember what, let me know). For now, I am going to do absolutely nothing for a few hours, then I going to get a bottle of Boone's Farm and watch Major League. It should be fun.

5 days 'til freedom

2005-04-30T18:48:00.000-04:00

Finals are halfway over. In five days, the wonderful experience known as 1L will be over. Contracts and Civ Pro are up this week, and I feel relatively good about where I am in terms of being ready for them. Tomorrow and Monday are going to be long days, but if I can just soldier through them, the end will be in sight.

The best thing to happen for me took place last Monday. I finally found out that I got a job. I will be interning at the FAA Office of the Chief Counsel, Litigation Division. I am really excited about this - this is a job that I have been interested in from the begining. It is unpaid, but I was pretty much planning on that, so I should be able to scrape through. Thank God for $6 pitchers of Busch at Lindy's.

Getting the call on Monday was a huge relief. I was really starting to freak out about not having a job, but I was too busy with finals to be able to do anything about it. I felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders when I found out that I would have something to do this summer.

Hopefully I will be able to post a little more frequently once finals are over. I'm also hoping that I'll get my sense of humor back in gear here soon - I haven't been feeling too funny recently. Anyway, 5 days and it will all be over. It has been a great year, but I am really looking forward to the summer.

Halfway home

2005-04-28T20:19:00.000-04:00

Technically, we are 7/13 of the way home. Either way, two exams are over. Property was rough, Con Law hurt like a sonofabitch. Now we just have K and Civ Pro. Tomorrow at 9, it's back in the saddle with the studying, but tonight the schedule calls for some relaxation, no thinking about law school at all, and a hot date with a six pack of Shiner Bock. I am living for one week from now, when this is all over (and also, one week from now at this time, I will be well on my way to drinking away all that I learned this year). I'm so mentally exhausted right now, I can't come up with anything else to write.

Like I didn't see this one coming...

2005-04-28T08:54:00.000-04:00

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Fourth Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Very High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Extreme
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Extreme
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Low
Level 7 (Violent)	High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Moderate

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

You have got to be kidding me...

2005-04-25T18:05:00.000-04:00

So I needed a break today and I didn't want to look at Property any more, so for the sake of humor, I picked up one of those law school prep books that I was suckered into buying before school started. I turned to the chapter on studying for finals and proceeded to laugh my ass off. Here are just a few of the author's exam tips...

Plan your time so you can start studying for finals at least three weeks before the test date (one week was a miracle for me this semester)
You should be completely finished at least two nights before an exam is given (how about two hours? two minutes?)
The first thing to do is go over the casebook table of contents which you have already memorized (emphasis added)(the case book has a table of contents?) - This should immediately bring all the major points back to you
Then go through each case in your casebook, studying the rule you wrote at the top before the semester started (you know, in that month you set aside before school to get at least three weeks ahead in your reading before the first day - no, seriously, this is in the book)
Use the mnemonic stick figure to bring back the facts of the case and carefully read marginal notes which you have added during class discussions, memorizing any summation lists the professor has given out (my Property exam is tomorrow and I have yet to open my casebook once while preparing for it. Also, I can't draw stick figures - does that mean that I am totally screwed?)
If something is not clear, read the case itself for clarification.
Supplement your studying with any other outlines or summation material you have.

Is it possible for me to get a refund of the $16.95 that I spent on this book because the author was clearly on crack.

And remember, procrastination is the Lorelei of the legal profession - if you succumb to her siren song, you will be dashed against the rocks. (No, seriously, that is in the book too)

Ding, Fries Are Done

2005-04-22T22:39:00.000-04:00

After spending about 9 hours at school working with my study group on an attack sheet for my Property final and another 2 or so hours at home working on my pitiful Con Law outline, this is how the productive part of my day came to an end...

10:05 pm - Realize that I have hit a wall and am going to accomplish nothing more tonight.

10:06 pm - Realize with much dismay that the liquor store that is less than 150 paces from my apartment (along with pretty much all other liquor stores in DC) closed at 10:00 pm.

10:08 pm - Remember that I have a half of a bottle of wine in my fridge.

10:09 pm - Consider the fact that, since said bottle of wine has been sitting opened in my fridge since mid January, chances are good that it has lost all taste.

10:10 pm - Decided that I don't really care about taste at this point, it's either the wine or a bottle of Listerine.

10:11 pm - Retrive said bottle of wine from fridge and proceed to consume.

It actually isn't that bad. Note that nowhere in there did I mention anything about getting a glass - I don't have time for that crap and I don't feel like having to do more dishes either.

Well, good - I called this

2005-04-20T16:10:00.000-04:00

So in order to celebrate the last day of classes, I decided to wear my cowboy hat to school today. I’m not sure why this is really something that can be equated to celebrating, but I like wearing my cowboy hat and I was in a cowboy mood today. There was just one problem with this. My plan backfired in Civ Pro. See, the first case in Civ Pro today happened to take place in Texas. Naturally, Prof. CP called on me for this case.

Normally, this wouldn’t have been too much of a problem. I could just BS my way through things like I usually do. I had even actually read this case, so I should at least have some clue as to what was going on. However, like I said before, I am in a celebratory mood today. All of you who know me know what that means. I started with a Bud Light with my ramen lunch at about 11:30 this morning. I had a few more before I came to school and another during Contracts. Then, in the hour and ten minute break between Contracts and Civ Pro, a few of us went to Lindy’s where I had a few more beers. Then I came straight back here and was the first one to be called on in class. Well, good.

Actually, this was not the train wreck that it had the potential to be. In fact, quite the opposite. With a little help from Prof. CP and the High Court Case Summaries, I managed to get through the questions he had for me. I feel comfortable with my performance. And I did all of this with a decent amount of beer in me. This could mean great things for next year.

I had better make sure that I have some damn good malpractice insurance once I finally start practicing.

Thanks

2005-04-20T12:01:00.000-04:00

Section 14ers (and anybody else who is nosy), check out our blog - I left y'all a little note there.

What the hell is Frito Pie

2005-04-19T23:29:00.000-04:00

So, I have had something weird going on. I seem to be getting inundated by Frito Pie everywhere I go.

First of all, in the real world, Detroit and Saucy Little Hat have been talking about Frito Pie non-stop for a while now. I don't really know why, but it seems to always come up when I am around them.

Then, in my parallel universe that is the blog world, I ran across this post. Apparently E. McPan and THL seem to think that men are comparable to Frito Pie.

First of all, I thought it was really weird that something as odd as Frito Pie should come up at the same time in real life and the blogs.

The main problem that I have with this, though, is that I have no idea what the hell Frito Pie even is. This worries me because it sounds like it would be wonderful and I feel like I am really missing out. It seems that everybody but me, both at school and on the blogs, knows what Frito Pie is. Anybody who knows me knows that I loves me some Fritos, especially for breakfast. I think I would really enjoy a pie that contained Fritos. If anybody wants to send a Frito Pie this way, that would be hot.

I was wondering when this would happen

2005-04-19T18:45:00.000-04:00

Well, I have finally had the whole blog book chain letter deal forced upon me. Thank you, Legally Intoxicated, for giving me something to do instead of studying for con law. Before I get into this, I just want to remind you all that, while I love to read, I am not really into the classics, so my answers may not be as high-minded as some of the rest out there.

1. You're stuck inside Fahrenheit 451, which book do you want to be saved?

I am going to have to go with The Right Stuff, by Tom Wolfe. This is by far my favorite book, one that I read over and over. While saving it might not be the benefit to society that saving a work by one of history's literary giants, this is my blog and I can be selfish if I want.

2. Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character?

Well, I would imagine that this question is supposed to be in reference to a character in a book, but plenty of other people have mentioned characters from movies, so I am going to say Ariel from The Little Mermaid (when she is in human form, of course). I guess I have a thing for redheads.

3. The last book you purchased?

Constitutional Law in West's Black Letter Series, written by Jerome S. Barron and C. Thomas Dienes. This book is hot. My con law final is coming up soon and I am fairly close to clueless in that class. I had some major focus issues in that class and therefore my notes are horrible. Thankfully, my teacher in that class is C. Thomas Dienes and the book follows along with his lecture almost word for word.

4. What are you currently reading?

Civil Procedure Cases and Materials; Cound, Friedenthal, Miller and Sexton
Problems in Contract Law; Knapp, Crystal and Prince
Property, An Introduction to the Concept and the Institution; Donahue, Kauper and Martin
Constitutional Law; Principles and Policy, Cases and Materials; Barron, Dienes, McCormack and Reddish

That's it - those four books are the only books I have read since January. I hate law school.

5. Five books you would take to a deserted island?

1. Rafts and Raft Building, An Introduction
2. The Complete Idiot's Guide to Feeding Yourself on a Deserted Island
3. Thatched Roof Shelter Building for Dummies
4. 1001 Ways to Keep Your Sanity While Stranded on a Deserted Island
5. Constitutional Law from West's Black Letter Law Series - seeing as how it is the only thing that is going to keep me from failing out of law school, it is soon going to be my new best friend.

That about does it. I guess I have to pass this on to someone else. How about WonL - this can be the first step towards getting back on my good side after I found out today that you lied to me!

Oh look. Braveheart

2005-04-18T18:57:00.000-04:00

I need to get some new sunglasses. Thinking about sunglasses made me think about a bit by one of my favorite comedians, Ron White. It's pretty funny, so I thought I would share it with you. It goes a little like this...

How come a pair of sunglasses costs more than a color TV. I went to the Sunglass Hut the other day and saw a pair of glasses I liked. I didn't love them - I didn't. Three hundred and nine bucks. So I asked the guy working there, very politely, "how do you sleep at night, you prick?" I told him I went to Wal Mart the other day and bought a 25 inch color television set for 275 dollars. He said to me, "I don't think you get it, sir." "I'm listening." He said, "these glasses block 100% of all UV rays." I said, "no, I don't think you get it - this thing decodes a digital satellite signal it picks up from outer fucking space." Turns out the glasses got basic cable and I felt like a dickhead.

And you thought Artest was bad

2005-04-18T09:48:00.000-04:00

Those crazy Russian chess fans are out of control.

Life is Good

2005-04-15T20:03:00.000-04:00

Well, it is finals crunch time - I have basically put myself into study lockdown. What's more, it is finals crunch time on a law student budget. That means that I went to the grocery store today and bought 20 packs of ramen, a case of Mountain Dew and a box of No-Doze - actually, not even No-Doze but rather Safeway brand Maximum Strength Stay Awake. This is going to be a fun weekend.

In other news, I enjoy the smell of use Band-Aids - is that totally gross? (Note - this is something that has been around for a long time and is not simply a factor of outlining getting to my head)

OK, I'm not that bad

2005-04-13T20:02:00.000-04:00

I added a new group of links to the sidebar. They are kinda like my motivation for these next few weeks specifically and the next two years in general. Before you pass judgment on me, let me just tell you that I am not *that* materialistic. Making money wasn't the only reason that I came to law school - it's just that when you are a week and a half away from four exams, a 18 foot bowrider and a shopping spree at J. Crew provides much better motivation than all that doing good and helping others bullshit.

I might actually get an A before I graduate...

2005-04-13T16:25:00.000-04:00

As a lowly 1L, I of course have not taken PR yet. However, if my PR final is anything like this one, then I might actually have a shot at getting a decent grade before I graduate.

In other news, after this Civ Pro class that I am sitting through is over, I only have four days of classes left this year. Plus, they have bbq and free beer at school today.

Y'all thought I was bitter...

2005-04-11T19:05:00.000-04:00

While I may have gone of on an incredibly long rant, at least I didn't do a full statistical breakdown of the moot court competition. To get all the info on the GW Moot Court Board First Year Competition, check out this post for day one and this post for day two. This just proves that my section (14) is gunnerriffic.

ARRGGHHH!!!

2005-04-09T22:02:00.000-04:00

So apparently I was eliminated in the first round of the moot court competition. All day long, I was hoping that this would happen so that I didn't have to argue tomorrow. Now that it did happen, I am surprisingly pissed. I feel like the run of good luck I was having has come to a screeching halt and now I am back to my old ways of nothing ever seeming to go my way. As much as I have been telling myself that I didn't really want to do this, it still pisses me off that i didn't make it. I think my beef about this goes way beyond the actual moot court board and more to law school as a whole.

I came to law school to get my JD. I thought that when I came to this school, I would finally be away from dealing with petty bullshit. Boy, was I wrong. The system - and by that I mean law school and beyond - seems to go out of its way to compel you do things that take all of your free time and which you have no desire to do. I'm not saying that I am a slacker - I just want to take my classes, get my diploma and finally get on with my life. Apparently, that is not possible.

It seems like it is coming at me from all directions - like there is some kind of set in stone formula that you have to follow over your three years in law school. First of all, I don't want to do the whole Big Law thing. I never have. Apparently, I am fucking crazy for this. Everywhere I turn, I feel like I am being funneled down a certain path that I don't want to go down. Granted, the majority of people who are here want to do that and it makes sense that the school concentrates on that, but I just get the feeling that that is all they care about. E. Spat hit the nail on the head tonight when she said that they take a group of people who theoretically could be diverse and interesting and spend three years turning them into pretentious assholes. God help me if I end up like that.

Since there is such an emphasis on securing for everyone the coveted Big Law job, all the advice that I get seems to be geared towards that. It is so overwhelming that I feel like I have no choice but to follow it. I don't want to be on a journal. I would love to write an article for a journal, but I have no desire to be on the journal staff just so I could say I was on the journal staff. Nonetheless, I felt compelled to do the journal competition, because the way everybody makes it sound, if you are on a journal, people will be throwing jobs at you left and right and if you are not on a journal, you will be lucky to get a job as a clerk for a traffic court judge. So, despite the fact that I would rather rip off all of my fingernails than spend the next two years bluebooking someone else's journal article, I wasted four days writing a case note for a journal that I have no chance in making, just so I could put GW Law Review on my resume. And, despite the fact that I could have spent today writing an outline for a class that actually has some meaning to me, I spent the day preparing for and worrying about an oral argument that I was only doing so that I could put Moot Court Board on my resume.

Without even realizing it, I have been working on becoming the exact person I don't want to be. Maybe it is a good thing that I didn't make any of these boards. I see the people who are on the journals and who are on the boards and it almost makes me sick - the last thing I want to do is become that guy. I know that not everyone who is on a journal or a skills board is like that - I know a bunch of people who aren't. But I have seen enough of the "I am on Law Review so I am better than you" attitude that it makes me want to run away as fast as I can so that I don't end up turning in to that person. It isn't worth the line on my resume to end up like that.

That's another thing about all of this that makes me mad. Not only do I feel forced to participate in these competitions, but when I do, I am judged by the very people who I am trying to avoid. Thankfully, I was lucky in that I got a good trio of judges today - two practicing attorneys and one respectable member of the board. But I heard some comments that were made by upperclassmen that, if they were made to me, I would probably be in jail right now. It's the same jerks who I fear turning in to so badly that I don't even want to compete who are judging us and making comments that are absolutely insane, and it is this attitude that is at the heart of this rant. What gives you the right, Mr. 3L, to belittle someone who is making a legal argument for the first time in their life. Just because you are on the moot court board and have a couple years of law school under your belt, you have the right to tear a poor 1L to shreds? I don't think so. I thought the whole purpose of this competition was to help 1Ls improve their oral advocacy skills. How is that purpose served when the upperclassmen judges' idea of constructive criticism is saying things to competitors that is so insensitive that they will never want to compete again.

It isn't just the student run skills boards that piss me off, either. I get the same feeling everywhere I turn in the school, from the top down. Like I said before, if I don't want to be a super-lawyer at a big time firm, I might as well not even be here. But it's not just that. This is something that E. Spat hit on in one of her posts a week or so ago, and I have been thinking about it ever since. I am an average student. Middle of the curve. By definition, the majority of the class is going to be in the same boat as me. But everything I see and everything I hear, whether from the student organizations or the administration or the career development office makes me think, "I'm not in the top 10%, why should I even bother?" I feel like everyone here caters to the top of the class and the rest of us might as well pack it up and go home. You might say that they earned their spot at the top and they deserve the benefit of that, but I say that the grading here is so arbitrary, how can you honestly compare people based on four exams. I mean, can you really say that a professor can honestly and fairly discriminate among 73 three hour long essay exams? And furthermore, the top 10% coming out of the school that I go to are not going to have any trouble getting the job that they want. Doesn't that mean that the school should be helping the other 90% get the jobs that they want? I guess the answer to this is that the top 10% have the most potential to get jobs at the most prestigious firms, which in turn will get the school rich alumni and good numbers in the US News rankings, so the school is going to go out of there way to help them and to hell with the rest of us who won't be able to make any donations on our government salaries anyway.

The thing that really pisses me off is that all of this is the worst if you want to get a job in the academic world. That is something that really interests me - something that I would really enjoy and that I could really feel like my work is making an impact. It is the area that, to me at least, seems like it could have the greatest effect in changing all of this crazy nonsense. Unfortunately, the system seems to be worse here than it is even at big law firms. The impression that I get is, based on the grades that I got in my first four classes, and the impact they will have on me not making a journal, I can already pretty much kiss being a law professor goodbye. Don't worry about the person's personality or their desire to teach and share with and help a generation of students coming up through the ranks. No, let's just look at their GPA from a top five school and the articles they have written, because the fact that you graduated at the top of your class at Harvard and wrote an 80 page article where you ramble on about God knows what directly correlates to your ability to teach a law school class.

i don't want to be a number. i don't want to be a line on my resume. I want to be me, and I want people to see me for who I am and for what I have the potential to accomplish. Is that too much to ask? Based on the intelligence and academic background of the people in my chosen profession, you think we would be able to figure that out sooner or later. Well, I'm not going to hold my breath.

I really like my law school classes but - Spice said it right earlier tonight - I fucking hate law school.

Game on

2005-04-06T23:55:00.000-04:00

Apparently somebody thinks it has been too long since I last posted, so I will share a few words with you. I have to keep my readers happy, after all.

The weather has finally turned nice here in the nation's capitol. It was 80 degrees without a cloud in the sky today. This can mean only one thing - the girls around campus have broken out their summer wardrobes. Thankfully, the law school has a patio that overlooks one of the only green spaces on the campus, which also happens to be a major thoroughfare to and from school. This gives me and my friends a perfect opportunity to relax between classes while enjoying the weather and "observing the scenery" if you get my drift. Unfortunately, there is a down side to this. For every attractive, scantily clad undergraduate girl, there is...wait for it...

the per se douchebag.

You know what I am talking about. This specimen is quite easy to identify. Identifying marks include: the popped collar on his polo shirt, either the trucker hat turned sideways or the disgustingly dirty fraternity hat worn backwards, the shorts sagging so low you can see his Abercrombie boxers, the Tom Cruise style aviator sunglasses, multiple "Livestrong" style bracelets and sandals that, while they look like they would weigh almost nothing, are apparently so heavy that they prevent him from picking his feet up as he shuffles across the quad. This guy presents an irrebuttable presumption of douchebaggery. When not shuffling across campus with an "I'm too cool for everybody" look on his face, this guy can be seen driving around in the Range Rover with the DMB sticker in the back window that daddy bought for him. In other words, this guy sucks.

In order to celebrate the rediculousness of this guy, we are making next Monday "Per Se Monday." Everyone is going to dress up in their most obnoxious, douchebaggish, frattastic clothes just so we can see what it is like to be as cool as these guys for a day. And after we all show up to school and have a good laugh, we are going to quickly realize that we all look like tools and change back to normal. presentable human beings. It should be fun.

So going to hell

2005-04-03T03:46:00.000-04:00

So I was walking down the street in Adams Morgan tonight. I didn't go out in AM, I went out about 5 blocks from my apartment, but somehow I ended up in AM. There is a good chance I might have been slightly intoxicated. Anyway, me and Cruiser managed to spend $20 between the two of us at McDonald's. As fate would have it, I happened to walk out of McD's with a jacket pocket full of McNuggets. This was about to come in handy. About a block from McDonald's, I ran into a homeless man. The exchange went something like this:

Homeless man: "Hey man, do you have any change?"

Jack: "no, but I have a McNugget, you want it?"

HM: "Sure, why not."

I gave him the McNugget and we parted ways. Although I did give a homeless man food, I feel like someone somewhere is getting ready to smite me with a lightning bolt for that. If i don't post for a while, it is because I have been stricken from the face of the earth.

p.s. I have a ton of hilarious quotes from tonight, but I really can't remember any of them right now. Hopefully they will come back to me over the next couple of days.

p.p.s. I have a great Cruiser story to tell, but I promised I wouldn't tell it until he was sure the police weren't looking fore him. Remind me to tell this story in a few weeks.

To the consulate of Siam

2005-04-03T01:26:00.000-05:00

Jack, "We are going to end up in War, West Virginia."

Cruiser, "It's only five hours by autogyro"

and a little bit later...

Cruiser, "I have shit running down my leg, it's all the cone's fault."

More to come later, if I can remember anything,

Friday Spies

2005-04-01T23:17:00.000-05:00

I guess I had better post this before it is no longer Friday.

1. Have you ever been in a car wreck?

Yes I have. A few times. I rear ended a guy one time. While it was technically my fault, the guy was a total douchebag. There used to be an intersection by my house that was constatnly the cause of accidents. The way I was going through it, I had to yeild to cars that were coming off the highway. This guy in front of me started to go, so I turned to see if there were any cars coming, but I kept going forward a little bit. Well, apparently he decided not to go after all, because while I was still looking over my shoulder, I ran into him. The funniest part about it was that he had a big old van and I had an '86 Escort and he got a huge dent in his bumper and I didn't have a scratch.

Another time I was pulling out of an alley at SLU and it was one of those times where you couldn't really see the traffic coming because of all the cars parked on the street. I thought I was clear but as soon as I pulled out there was a bitchin' Camaro right on top of me. This was when I was driving my truck, and he hit me right in the left front wheel. It didn't seem too bad, but when we stopped to get out and exchange info, the way we were parked kept me from being able to look at my truck from the front. When I got home and finally looked at it, I noticed the wheel that he hit was slanted inward. A lot. Like, $700 worth.

The last (and most embarassing) one happened when I was leaving a coffee shop after a long day at work. I got in my truck and backed out or my parking spot without even looking. Unfortunately, I should have looked, since there was a car parked behind me. This one was the worst damage wise, at least for the other person. My truck had an off road package so it sat up pretty high, and the other car was a little Honda, so I ended up hitting it right at the top of the door, totally destroying the door and shattering the driver's side window. And it was raining out that night. Must have been a fun ride home for her.

2. Sunrise or sunset?

I am going to have to disagree with most of the other people who answered this and say sunrise. I'll admit that sunset is pretty good, but sunrise is better in my book. There is just a peacafulness about sunrise that I love. Even when I used to have to work at 6 am on the weekends, I didn't mind because there was nothing to do that early so you could just sit outside and watch the sunrise. This is really going to illustrate the redneck in me, but I love fishing at sunrise. Sitting on a dock looking out over a huge lake that is perfectly still, watching the sun come up and hearing the birds chirp with a cup of coffee and a line in the water is great. Then it starts getting hot and the fish aren't biting and you get bored and start to realize that fishing sucks and you wasted your whole weekend going to some god forsaken lake somwhere. But I digress.

3. If you could change, amend, delete or pass one law, what would it be?

it is 11:38 on a Friday night one month before the end of my first year of law school. No offense guys, but this question sucks. The best I can come up with is that I would get rid of the law that says that they can't sell liquor in DC on Sundays.

4. What is your favorite single article of clothing?

Although it makes me sound like such a woman to say this, I have way too much clothes to pick out one item. I guess two things that I really like are a pair of pajama pants from the Gap that are incredibly soft and comfortable and a Polo sweatshirt that I have had for years and that is so worn out it is the most comfortable thing ever. I have gone entire weekends without even taking these two things off. They are great for sitting around and being lazy.

5.If you could/had to spend the day hanging out with another blogger (one you don't already know), who would it be and what would you do?

This is a tough one. There are a lot of people who I read that I would love to meet. If I had to pick one, I guess it would be Legally Intoxicated - he is the first person I really read on a regular basis and I think we would have a good time, although if either of us wanted to blog about it, we might need to bring along a scribe. Based on some of his stories, I think we might have a hard time remembering what we did.

well good

2005-04-01T04:51:00.000-05:00

holy crap. 52 dollars of vodaka and red bull juft hi me all at once,. it is almost 5 in the morning an d i am inches from apssing ot at my computer, i have class in a few hours. best part is that i is preview day tomorrow so ther e are going o ber a bunch of pre l s there tomorroe. i cant waity to make a god impression for our schooo. come to GW - we give you a new liver along with the financial aid.

My $ .02

2005-03-29T17:36:00.000-05:00

As you can probably imagine, there has been much debate at the law school recently about the Terri Schiavo case. I have pretty much refrained from offering my opinion. I know how I feel about it and I really don't feel inclined to jump into the fray on something as controversial as this - either people are going to agree with me, which make my comments superfluous, or you are going to disagree with me and nothing that I say is going to change your mind. Either way, I am just going to steer clear so as to prevent myself from getting frustrated.

As a law student, however, one aspect that is interesting is the legal procedure that has been taking place over the course of this case (and would be nice if Prof. Civ Pro were reading this). While I don't claim to be an expert on civil procedure by any stretch of the imagination, I thought I would share this article, which gives an interesting analysis of the case presented by Ms. Schiavo's parents subsequent to the passing of "Terri's Law" by Congress last weekend.

Anyway, I thought all you budding lawyers might find this prospective interesting, and all of you who have nothing to do with the legal profession might be interested in reading a little bit about the "behind the scenes' aspect of this case.

Thanks to Georgia B for the article.

Jack v. Amstel

2005-03-27T02:34:00.000-05:00

Well, good. So tonight didn't really turn out as I hoped it would. I went over to Dallas' apartment for Gunner's birthday party. All my friends were there, we were enjoying a few adult beverages, everyone was having a good time. Since I knew there were going to be a lot of pwople bringing bottles of beer, I came prepared and broght my bottle opener with me. Consequently, I became "bottle opener guy" early on in the evening - you need a bottle opened, you go to Jack. This was not a problem for me - I don't mind helping people gain access to alcohol. However, someone had it in for me. I was enjoying myself, having a good conversation with a cute young lady about the goodness of the South and the musical stylings of one Pat Green when somebody handed me an Amstel Light to open. No problem, I thought as i pulled out my trusty bottle opener. As I popped that top, I felt a slight sting on my right index finger. I just figured I scraped the edge of my hand on the side of the bottle cap. However, when I looked down, my right hand was covered in blood. I had never seen myself bleed this much, so I was confused and I stood there for a few seconds watching blood drip on to the floor. I finally realized maybe I should find a sink to wash this off in. Apparently, when the bottle cap came off, part of the glass on the neck of the bottle came off as well and I managed to gash my finger open pretty good. Thankfully, Mother's fiance (does that make her Father?) and her 8 months fo med school were there to come to the rescue. This thing would not stop bleeding. We probably stood there for a good 20 minutes trying to get this thing to finally stop bleeding. It finally stopped, and it looks like stitches will not be needed. It isn't easy to type without being able to bend your middle finger though. The worst thing about this is that I wasn't even that drunk. I was a little buzzed, but not nearly as drunk as I am when I usually injure myself. Next time someone else can supply the bottle opener - I'm sticking with twist-offs.

"Hi, my name is Jack..."

2005-03-26T16:07:00.000-05:00

IMG_1127
Originally uploaded by Jack & Coke.

Who knew I could be artistic. This is so much better than actually cleaning my apartment.

(Click here for a bigger image)

Friday Spies

2005-03-25T17:34:00.000-05:00

1. What blog, other than your own, do you read the most?

With all due respect to everyone that I read, I really don't have one clear favorite. I read Soupie's and Mr. Poon pretty much every day because they update so often and they provide a good study break. Other than that, my blog reading is pretty cyclical. I will have a few that I read all the time for a while then I will switch to others. Also, I am still finding new blogs everyday. One of my current favorites is Moral Turpitude - I like her sarcasm and she looks hot in her profile picture. Plus, I read Reckless Murder and WonL pretty often becasue I know both of them personally.

Anybody that I didn't mention...well, you better kick things up an notch.

2. Are you a gadget person? Do you have the latest thingamajigs and whoozits and geegaws? What sort of gadgets do you own?

I would have to consider myself a quasi-gadget person. I really like gadgets, however I don't have the cash flow to have the state of the art right now. My cell phone doesn't even have cool ring tones, much less a camera. I have an iPod, but one of the old ones, not the mini that everyone seems to have these days. My digital camera is totally ghetto (although that is due more to the fact that I got knocked on my ass with it in my back pocket - thanks, SS). There are a lot of gadgets that I would love to have, but right now they take a backseat to things like tuition and rent.

3. If I gave you $1000 on the condition that you couldn't spend it on something responsible (e.g., bills), or save it, what would you do with the money? (Can you tell that a Democrat is asking that question?)

I would probably use some of the money to buy my mom a plane ticket to come out here and visit me this summer. I probably won't have a chance to get home until Thanksgiving at the earliest and I would love to see her before then. I know she wants to come here, but her travel budget for this summer is going to a trip to CA to visit my brother and sister-in-law when they have their baby in June. I would love for her to be able to do both without worry. With the money I have left over, I would probably buy a new camera (See Answer 2, supra). Everybody who has gone to a big party with me knows that I am a picture-taking fool. This foolishness has been hampered by the ghettoness of my camera. I have seen some out there that are smaller and better than the one I have now. I would love one of those, so I could take it everywhere - I love documenting the good times I have with friends.

Or, I would go to Brooks Brothers and blow it all on clothes.

4. What are your five favorite sitcoms of all time, other than "Seinfeld" and "The Simpsons"?

In no particular order, Scrubs, Family Guy, Arrested Development...um...it kinda pains me to admit this on but Friends...and um...hmm...that new show The Office that was on last night was pretty funny (no, I haven't seen the British version, but I know people who have it on DVD who are going to introduce me to it).

5. Organize a film festival based on a theme. Choose a theme and a handful of movies with that theme, and tell us what you've chosen.

Well, I'm not really the type that gets into the deep, meaningful movies. My film festival would probably be a bunch of mindless comidies that everyone has seen and thus wouldn't be very exciting. Therefore, with all due respect to the BTQ boys, I am going to replace this question with one they asked a little while ago, which I thought would provide a little more enjoyment.

5a. Tell me what's in your desk drawers right now.

I am a bit of a pack rat, so I tend to have a lot of junk that gets put in random drawers. Also, when I clean, I follow the "out of sight, out of mind" philosophy. Anyway, here you go (and this is all one drawer, mind you)

Stapler
Scotch tape
Green highlighter
Blue highlighter
Stamps
Staple remover
Calculator
Yellow highlighter
Checkbook
Orange highlighter
Second blue highlighter
Scissors
Big tape flags
Little tape flags
Post-it notes
A box of binder clips
Mini stapler (free from Westlaw)
Box the mini stapler came in
Bright blue staples that came with the mini stapler I paid for the day before I got my free Westlaw mini stapler
Letter opener
(here's where it gets fun)
The handset to my cordless phone
Gretchen Wilson CD
A CD with contracts notes from two years ago
A "good luck in law school" card from Gym Girl
Krazy Glue
O.A.R. CD
Handheld electronic Who Wants To Be A Millionare game
Pocketknife
Clip-on I.D. holder
The extra buttons for my top coat
Three rubber bands
One lonely paper clip
The liner notes from Tim McGraw's Live Like You Were Dying CD
Two extra covers for my USB memory stick
A tie
Moustache and sideburns trimmer
A CD with a bunch of pics of my fraternity brothers
74 cents

Ok, so I'm not the most "organized" guy around and that drawer can't really "close" - but I am going to clean my apartment tonight, I promise.

WTF is wrong with me???

2005-03-24T22:20:00.000-05:00

So I took a nap this afternoon and had the weirdest dream I think I have ever had.

I was sitting in my apartment doing homework and I was having a drink. That isn't too odd - I often have a drink while I am studying. The thing was, I wasn't just having a drink, I was totally wasted. There was a little bit of stumbling around in my apartment, then I climbed up on my kitchen table and fell asleep. I wasn't there for too long before I fell off the table and managed to fall over to my bed.

This is where the dream within the dream began.

While I was passed out on my bed, I had a dream that I was in a musical. I don't really know what the musical was. I really hope that it is not a real musical. It was about the plight of a Jewish family in Germany during WWII. The Jewish family was played by the cast of Malcom in the Middle. I played a small role - I was a Nazi soldier. The scene that I "saw" was a big ensemble song and dance number. I was stuck in the back row of the chorus. The song was, get this, "Tradition" from Fiddler on the Roof. For some reason, there was some sort of prop with an open flame on stage. Someone, who may or may not have been me, knocked it over and the curtains caught on fire. Pretty much total bedlam broke out in the theatre because the whole place started going up in flames. I don't know what happened after this because this is when I woke up from the dream within the dream.

When I woke up from that dream - still actually dreaming, mind you - I was laying in bed and I noticed an odd shadow on my wall. The shadow was...wait for it...

an albino squirrel.

There was a white squirrel standing on my wall looking at me. Then the fucker jumped down into my bed and I flipped out. the funniest thing about this part was that I tried to jump out of my bed but my dream persona was still drunk and half asleep and got caught in the covers. I managed to get out of bed just in time to see the squirrel go out on my balcony. I went over to see it sitting there eating an acorn. I was standing at my patio door and I closed the screen only to notice that the little bastard had torn a big hole in the screen right at the level of my face. It was then that he noticed me watching him and he dropped the acorn and launched himself at my face. Thankfully, I managed to close the door right before he got me.

Then I woke up.

I don't know what the hell brought this on. Usually, I don't dream at all. Maybe it was the Alfredo Turkey sandwich I had at Cosi for lunch.

Nothing can ever top this

2005-03-23T21:59:00.000-05:00

I am simply amazed beyond words. Soupie has found the greatest picture ever. You just have to see it for yourself. Seriously. Greateset. Picture. Ever.

Yeah, ladies, watch yourselves.

2005-03-21T19:07:00.000-05:00

Your Seduction Style: The Natural

You don't really try to seduce people... it just seems to happen.
Fun loving and free spirited, you bring out the inner child in people.
You are spontaneous, sincere, and unpretentious - a hard combo to find!
People drop their guard around you, and find themselves falling fast.

What Is Your Seduction Style?

Vocabulary Poll

2005-03-21T14:47:00.000-05:00

Here's a quick question for y'all -

What do you think of when you hear the word "spunk"?

Friday Spies

2005-03-20T10:15:00.000-05:00

This is a deal started by the boys at Begging The Question. Every Friday they post some questions for the rest of us to answer. The fact that I am answering them on Sunday just goes to illustrate how much I procrastinate.

1. Who is an author whose work you've never read, but want to?

I really don't have one of these. I love to read, but usually I read non-fiction. I've never really gotten into the "classic" authors, and I honestly don't really have the desire to do so any time in the near future. I tried reading Hemmingway once just because it was Hemmingway, but I couldn't finish it. I guess it just ins't my style. Plus, it's not like I really have any free time for pleasure reading right now anyway.

2. Can men and women be friends?

This question always sparks debate and I think the answer is different for everybody. For me, the answer is absolutely. One of my very best friends right now is a woman. In fact, I always feel like I have to have one good friend who is a woman. I love hanging with the guys, but, for me at least, there are just some things that I have to talk about with a woman. A lot of guys contend that a guy can never be just friends with a girl without wanting to get her in the sack, but I don't think this is true, at least for me. That's not to say that I have never been attracted to any of my female friends - I mean, I am a guy after all. It's just that for me, getting laid is less important than having a close female friend who I can confide in and from whom I can get the female prospective on things.

3. If you could choose to live in a different time period, would you? If so, when would live and why?

If it were possible to live in the past, I would want to but I wouldn't want to go back too far. I think that being born about 55-60 years earlier would do it for me. This would set me up to be just the right age to fly P-51s in WWII, then after the war be one of the first pilots of the jet age, flying all the new planes during the golden age of test pilots. I'd be punching holes in the sky over the California desert with Yeager, Crossfield, et al. Of course, I also would be one of the first astronauts at NASA and would be one of that elite group of 12 men who have walked on the moon.

That being said, I always say that if I could do it all over again, knowing then what I know now, I wouldn't change a thing. I mean, the above scenario is nothing more than a pipe dream, and even though I've gone through some shitty times in my life, every single thing that has happened to me has led me to this point, and I wouldn't trade what I have now for anything.

4. Have you ever sold anything, bought anything, or processed anything as a career? Have you ever sold anything bought or processed, or bought anything sold or processed, or repaired anything sold, bought,
or processed, as a career?

I could get out of this question by saying that I have never really done anything as a "career", just the odd summer job here and there. I have had some pretty shitty jobs though. I have sold hamburgers, random crap at the Discovery Channel Store, movies and video games and jet fuel. I have had some pretty shitty jobs, but despite the fact that I worked at McDonald's and have seen what goes on, I still eat there.

5. They're going to make a movie about your life. What's the theme song?

This one is a tough one for me. I think about this kind of stuff all the time, but I really don't have a good answer. I don't think of it so much in terms of what the lyrics say as much as just a badass song. It also depends on what kind of mood I am in. There are some lyrics that I think are great, like Pat Green's Here We Go - the line "the Lone Star Beer in my cereal is keeping me alive" is in my opinion the best single line of any song ever. But in terms of a song that really describes me or is a good theme song, I don't know. It would have to me something that embodies my happy-go-lucky-I-don't-give-a-fuck attitude. I guess the best way I can answer this is just by picking one of the songs that I rock out to when I am alone in my apartment. There are always a few songs on my playlist that whenever they come on I crank the volume to 11 and jump around like an idiot. Currently, those songs are "Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy" by Big and Ricn, "That Was a Crazy Game of Poker" by O.A.R. and the bluegrassey/honky-tonky version of "Gin and Juice" by Phish. See, not so much with lyrics, just more songs to run around all crazy drunk to. (about that last song mentioned, Gin and Juice, I have it on good authority that Hank Williams III has performed that song live, but I can't seem ot find it. Whenever I think I have, it turns out being the Phish version again. If anybody has that or knows where I can find it, it would be greatly appreciated.)

A "Brief" Review of Last Night (awful pun intended)

2005-03-19T12:25:00.000-05:00

Well, I finally turned in that goddamn appellate brief. It felt like a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders. As was to be expected, after turning that bad boy in, I went out and had a "few" adult beverages to celebrate. Not only did I go out and tie one on last night, but I went out with Cruiser. Anybody who knows us knows that when me and Cruiser get together and the booze is flowing, things tend to get a little out of hand. Cruiser managed to capture the spirit of the evening with his away message this morning and he did it in law school nerd format. He put a lot of effort into it so I thought I would share it with you.

I. CRUISER AND JACK HAD A WILD TIME.

A. Cruiser and Jack Stole a Ton of Shit.

1. Cruiser and Jack stole a pint glass, a tumbler and two shot glasses from Rhino.
2. Cruiser and Jack stole a napkin dispenser and a straw dispenser (an awesome glass one) from Johnny Rockets.

B. Cruiser and Jack Made Prank Phone Calls.

1. At Jack's request, Cruiser called his mother and told her he was in jail.
2. Cruiser called a few of his high school friends and told them exactly what he thought of them.

II. CRUISER AND JACK ARE LIKELY TO BE RIDICULOUSLY HUNG OVER.

A. Cruiser Drank Far More Than Necessary To Recoup the Cost of Cover for the Open Bar.

1. Cover to the open bar was$15.
2. Yuenglings ordinarily cost $5 each at Rhino.
3. Cruiser had no less that 8 free Yuenglings, plus a handful of drinks bought for him by others and a shot of Jameson.

B. Jack Was Drunk Enough ot Think Stealing Stuff (See supra, Part I. A) Was a Good Idea.

1. Jack hadn't had anything to drink in a week.
2. Jack was working on four hours of sleep.
3. Jack started the evening with a pitcher of Bud Light at 5 o'clock and did not stop until after midnight.

That pretty much sums it up, although Cruiser forgot to mention the part where he was walking down Pennsylvania Ave. with an 8 inch long metal bud vase sticking out of his fly.

Fuck me, I'm Irish

2005-03-17T15:20:00.000-05:00

Well, so much for St. Paddy's day. Instead of getting in touch with my Irish heritige by drinking so much beer that I don't remember my name, tonight I will be writing the second half of my appellate brief. And the table of contents. And the table of authorities. And proofreading. And editing. Tonight is going to be so much fun.

Since I will be stuck in my apartment tonight, about the best I can do is live vicariously through The Hot Librarian. Now that's a girl who knows what St. Patrick's Day is all about.

It's in the bag

2005-03-16T17:33:00.000-05:00

So one of the things that I have on my plate right now is mock trial. My mock trial partner is my buddy SCK. We were talking a little bit this week about how maybe we should think about looking at the problem and coming up with some ideas for the competition. SCK, who is definitely more inclined to worry about this right now than am I, did a little reading and came up with a six point plan for our case.

Now, let me give you a little background about the problem to set this up for you. Plaintiff is suing Defendant for the wrongful death of her husband. Defendant was involved in an automobile accident in which the deceased was killed instantly. Plaintiff is alleging that the defendant was driving while intoxicated and that his drunk driving was the cause of the accident. She is basing this on the testimony of the officer who investigated the accident and also the testimony of a waitress (with whom the defendant had a past relationship) at a bar where the defendnat had been drinking with a number of associates on the night of the accident. Defendant claims that his car (specifically his tie rod) was sabotaged by a mechanic, Jiminez (whom the defendant had refused to represent in an earlier case), at the last service station he went to for repairs. There are naturally a few more details than that, but that should give you at least an idea of what is going on.

With that being said, here is SCK's six point plan:

1) Our client was not legally drunk at .06 and there is no evidence that alcohol affected his driving in any way

2) The rod caused the accident, not negligence because this guy took exceptional care of his car

3) That Bitch cop dislikes our client because he drinks and dismissed the rod story because like I said earlier shes a bitch (P.S. She don't know shit about cars either).

4) That Jiminez guy cut the fucking rod, metal doesn't shear like that, and his boss said so (the only one in the case who knows shit about cars)

5) That ho at the pub is mad at our client because he won't give her the dick, and now shes trying to ruin him, he wasn't drunk at the bar, the tab went other places

6) We feel greatly for the family of the deceased and hope that they are able to recover from the proper party, the Garage. It is a shame that someone had to die over our client not representing Jiminez.

There is only one tiny little problem with this plan...

We represent the plaintiff.

We are so going to win.

Now this is a dillema

2005-03-14T22:26:00.000-05:00

One more thing before I descend into 1L hell. Tonight, my prof extended the deadline for our appellate brief by one day - it is now due by Friday at 5 pm. Normally this would be fucking great - I would definitely use an extra day with this thing. Here's the problem...this Thursday is St. Patrick's Day. I am Irish and goddamn fucking proud of it. I had planned on spending St. Paddy's getting incredibly intoxicated on Guinness and/or any beer that is green. Now, I have the dillema of a lifetime - do I take the extra time to do a really good job on my brief or do I stick to my original plan and wake up Friday afternoon just in time to meet the deadline for my brief. Common sense tells me to save the party for the weekend and make the brief my priority. However, a) common sense is something that I am decidedly lacking in and b) I want to honor and respect my heritige by getting shitty on Thursday. What is an Irishman to do? Comments appreciated.

Vacation is definitely over

2005-03-14T22:03:00.000-05:00

Back in DC. The weekend in St. Louis went pretty well. Good times were had by all. The wedding was great. I was going to write about all the fun details, but I really don't have the time or inclination to do that right now. There is one great quote that I felt was worth sharing. This was in the car on the way to the casino at about 4 in the morning on Sunday: DW (to MH), "Dude, are you mildly retarded?" MH, "No, I'm massively retarded, and I am looking for a 38 year old dental hygenist who is doing moderately well at craps." Also, I have the utmost respect for everyone serving in the military, but going out with six guys in Navy and Marine dress uniforms (and all with pilot wings, too) really eliminates any chance you might have with the ladies.

In other news, I just looked at my schedule for the rest of the semester. All I have to say is if you don't hear for me for a while it is because I jumped off the Roosevelt bridge. Get a load of this crap...
-This week: appellate briefs due
-Next week: no big project, but registration for next semester, which based on the hour and a half I spent looking at that
tonight is going to be a huge pain in my ass
-Week after that: practice oral arguments
-Week after that: real oral arguments
-Week after that: moot court
-Week after that: mock trial
-Week after that: last week of classes
-Week after that: finals

Plus, there's that whole finding a job thing that I still have to worry about. What this all means is that for the next month and a half, expect a bunch of early morning, caffine induced incoherent ramblings from me. This is going to suck. Hard.

Peace out. Napoleon

2005-03-10T12:45:00.000-05:00

Oh, joy, I'm off to St. Louis. I can barely contain my excitement. Just to make it even more fun, I'm not even flying out of the airport that is 5 metro stops away. No, I get the pleasure of driving to Baltimore to catch a flight on Cattle Car Airlines d/b/a Southwest. At least I get to enjoy that gourmet in flight meal. Wait...no.

Hopefully, this trip home won't be as boring as Christmas. I managed to fill up all of my time over the weekend. Steak and Shake as soon as I get in with Mama Jack, then boozin' with my boy DW tonight - and it will be nice to get back to the Stl bar exchange rate, where I can have a good time without taking out a loan. Tomorrow, it's the standard "I'm home from school so let's go shopping" day with mom, which is always a good time, then dinner and catching up with Gym Girl and most likely drinking until the wee hours of the morning. Saturday is the real reason I am going home - my boy Burner is gettin married. This is kind of weird in that it is the first of my real good friends to get married (at least that I have gone to the wedding). Between Burner's fraternity brother friends and his Navy pilot friends, this is bound to be a good time. Then Sunday it's getting un-hungover and flying back home, so I'm going to be on the go for pretty much the whole time.

Since my dear mother lives in a cave that doesn't have internet access, it is likely that you won't here from me until Sunday, but I'm sure that I will have some good stories to tell then. Plus, there will be pictures, so stay tuned for those.

I have to get me some of that...

2005-03-10T01:14:00.000-05:00

Robin Williams is on crack. Actually, I don't think it's crack, I think it is some kind of super drug that he invented - I have to get some.

In other news - I love that Bud Light commercial with the guys skydiving where the pilot jumps out of the plane after the six pack of beer. As a pilot myself, that speaks to me on a whole different level.

Oh, how the mighty have fallen

2005-03-10T00:58:00.000-05:00

I got this a couple of days ago but didn't post it because I was wrapped up in this ridiculous blog war deal.

Anyway, this is just a great example of what a team of professional make up artists and Photoshop can do for someone.

And to think when I was a naive high schooler, I thought she was hot. Sure fooled me.

(thanks, Mother)

So much for being the better man...

2005-03-09T17:24:00.000-05:00

I was just trying to give Reckless an out to keep him from getting hurt and making him look like an ass in front of all of his classmates, but if he is just going to keep running his mouth, then fuck him. Name the time and place and I'll show your arrogant LA ass how we settle things where I come from.

Damnit

2005-03-09T00:12:00.000-05:00

Don't you hate when you have what you consider to be a really good plan, but when you put it into action, it doesn't work out so well? That's what happened with all of this shit between me and Reckless Murder. We were trying to start shit at his place last night then continue it on here just to fuck with people and get them to think that we were really pissed at each other. While there were some people who did think that we were fighting, it didn't quite start the uproar that we were expecting. I think the problem was with the initial execution on Monday night. We didn't quite get as violent with each other as we needed to in order to get really concerned. Additionally, we didn't quite have our story straight, so it was hard to talk it up today when asked about it. I guess the moral of the story is that if you are going to start a plot to fuck with your friends who are actually trying to show concern for your well being, make sure you have it fully planned out before you begin. Rehersals before hand might be a good idea. Maybe a script even.

I think the best thing to come out of all of this is the second comment on the preceding post.

What a piece of shit

2005-03-08T15:45:00.000-05:00

Reckless Murder can kiss my ass. That ignorant-ass mother fucker really pissed me off last night. I was just trying to have a good time and enjoy the start of my spring break when he had to go run his fucking mouth off. Pretty standard, really, from this pompas ass. This isn't the first time, either. Since school started, this jackass is always going on and on about how much better than everybody else he is, and while it pissed me off, I just did my best to ignore it. Last night, though, I had enough. If it weren't for the other people there who stopped me, I would have taken great pleasure in beating the shit out of him. First of all, the bastard kept taking my hat. Now, this may not seem like much, but anybody who knows me knows that my Dale Jr. had is sacred. But this wasn't the worst part - the worst part was what he said to me while I was trying to get it back. Now, I'm not going to repeat what he said because I don't want to embarass him in front of all his friends who read this site, but suffice to say, it crossed the line. There are somethings you just don't say to another man, and this is definitely one of them. I guess I should have expected this from him, though - he wouldn't know how to be a man if his life depended on it.

Things to do today

2005-03-07T09:53:00.000-05:00

1. Clean my apartment so the maintenance staff can work on the AC - or, alternatively, chain my door shut and tell the maintenance staff to fuck off.

2. Do a final edit of the journal competition note.

3. Turn in the journal competition note.

4. Buy a case of Busch.

5. Play beer pong until I forget how to stand up.

Six Pages, Bitches!!!

2005-03-06T14:55:00.000-05:00

Hell yeah! I have been awake for 28 hours straight, but I made that thing my bitch. Granted, it is a little rough around the edges, but the hard part is over. Call me crazy, but this is the way I roll. Yeah, I'm tired, I smell bad and my body hates me for the abuse I have put it through, but I got in a zone and there was no stopping me. And perfect timing too - NASCAR starts in five minutes.

So I am having a celebratory glass of wine - there was just enough left from last night for one glass. Then I am going to take a nice, long shower, put on my pajamas, lay down and probably make it through about five laps before falling asleep.

Maybe, for a few hours, at least, I can put some break in spring break.

7:07 and still going strong

2005-03-06T07:07:00.000-05:00

It is 7:07 in the morning on day three of the journal competition. I haven't slept since 11:00 AM yesterday, yet I don't feel the least bit tired. I have hit that stage where I am in the zone and I am not going to stop until it is finished. Over the night, I finished reading all the source material and formulaed my argument in my mind. Now it is just a matter of writing it, which, for me at least, is the easiest part.

It wasn't easy by any means. I had my moments last night. For example, at some god awful hour in the morning, I spent about ten minutes being perplexed by the fact that the pattern of the veins on the backs of my hands was not the same on each hand. I would have thought they would have been symmetrical, but they most definitely are not. I guess that is why I am here and not in med school. A little while later, about the time the sun was coming up, I got very confused about my gergraphic location in relation to the directions on a compass. It wasn't until I went online and looked at a map of DC and the eastern seaboard that I realized that the sun was in fact not rising in the north. If I had just taken a second to consider where I was sitting in relation to the mall and the buildings thereupon located, I would have realized that they don't call them the east capitol steps for nothing and all was well. I'll have to remember that for next time.

I think my stomach is about to crawl out of my body and beat the shit out of me for all the coffee I have consumed in the past 12 or so hours. But I can't let a little something like a mutiny by my internal organs slow me down. It's writing time, baby.

See y'all in a little while.

Oh, how I miss her...

2005-03-06T04:44:00.000-05:00

My baby is up for sale. This is the plane that I did all my multi-engine flight training in. If anybody wants to get me an early birthday present, feel free. Man, I loved flying this plane. She flew like a real plane, not a trainer. Big, powerful - shove those two power levers forward and feel yourself getting pushed back in your seat. There is another, clearer picture of her at her old home.

Seeing this brought back some memories. Here are the rest of my babies.

This is the primary trainer that I flew. It is the plane that I did my initial and instrument training in. Not a bad plane, but definitely a trainer - slow, docile, fairly forgiving. I doubt any of my Parks buddies except Heinie are looking at this, but if you are, check out who is sitting right seat in this picture - our old buddy JLC!

This is a more advanced plane that I flew when I was getting my commercial license. She may look pretty funny (and the paint scheme doesn't help) but she is a hell of a bird - like a sports car, maneuverable and fast. In fact, the hardest thing about learning to fly this plane is getting it slowed down when coming back to the airport without setting off the gear warning horn, which in turn sets off the flight instructor (and usually scares the shit out of any passengers). Me and Heinie got this bad boy up to 205 knots - 236 MPH - about 10 feet off the ground (over a "sparsely populated area" of course).

Ah yes...how can I forget this one. This is the plane that the flight team flew in its competitions. One of the most basic planes out there, it almost flies itself, but a hell of a lot of fun nonetheless. Many fond memories in this one, including spinning the shit out of it - but only as part of my CFI training, of course.

I can't wait until I am a big time lawyer making enough bank to buy my own. Until then I'll just keep dreaming.

This is fucking retarded.

2005-03-06T00:50:00.000-05:00

All this work for one line on my resume. I have officially reached the point where I don't care at all about this thing anymore. All I want to do is pull six pages of bullshit out of my ass and turn it in on Monday. I get the impression that I share this feeling with a great number of my classmates - at least the ones I have talked to; the gunners have all deleted Instant Messenger for the weekend. I have taken some comfort in the fact that I have been a source of distraction for people this weekend. I have even had a friend ask me to post more or else she will be forced to resort to crossword puzzles to distract herself. Unfortunately, my creativity has waned, so I will just ramble for a while. Here's some articles to read.

I have looked at this about a thousand times today, and I giggle like a school girl at it every time. WTF, mate? (thanks, Larry)

Here's an article about cow urine you can read if you need a break. (thanks, Mr. Poon - great site by the way, you should really check it out)

I'll have to remember this for the next time I am at a bar after the Metro closes.

I found out that I like O.A.R. tonight. Now, I have heard of them before but never really listened to them. However, I have had That Was A Crazy Game Of Poker in my head for the past week and I decided I wanted more. So, at the urging of Burgle, I got the album Any Time Now. Good stuff.

Speaking of music, I have a very ecclectic music catalog. Just to show you, I have had iTunes on random all night - here are the last 10 songs that I have heard...

The Man In Me - Bob Dylan
Need You Tonight - INXS
In Da Club - 50 Cent
Don't Miss You At All - Norah Jones
1999 - Prince
The Tennesse Waltz - Patty Page
The Dali Lama scene from Caddyshack - Bill Murray
Cool To Be A Fool - Joe Nichols
Symphony No. 25 in G minor; 1st movement - W.A. Mozart
Bang My Head - Cross Canadian Ragweed

I mean seriously - could you find 10 songs that are more different?

I managed to convince Detroit that drinking wine while doing homework is a good idea. She isn't so sure, but I just think that she needs more practice.

Well, I guess that should keep y'all occupied for at least a while. It's about time for me to get ramped up and start getting some work done.

Like I told Dallas earlier, I haven't had this much fun since that time I broke my arm.

The Spice Is Right

2005-03-05T20:03:00.000-05:00

Day 2 of the journal competition. Things are coming along slowly but surely. I have been cooped up in my apartment for some time now, as have most of my classmates. However, I can pretty much gather what kind of moods my friends are in just by looking at their away messages. For the most part, they are all pretty unplesant, expressing feelings of rage and hatred towards anything related to the legal profession. Spice Girl, on the other hand, has a decidedly different mood. Her away message read:

"Bob Mondavi makes journal even more fun."

Mind you, that was posted around noon today. Definitely a girl after my own heart.

What a great distraction

2005-03-05T00:37:00.000-05:00

So I was getting totally bored with my case note and started trying to find ways to distract myself. Since I moved in here, I have been trying to figure out a way to get both of my computers online at the same time - and by trying I mean I tried once and it didn't work and I lost patience with trying. A while back I got an AirPort Express wireless base station and could never get it to work. Tonight I tried a ghetto-rigged system with my DSL modem that didn't work either. I then decided to fool around with the AirPort a little more and it worked as soon as I plugged it in this time. So now I finally have a wireless network in my apartment. So much for productivity.

As a result, I am writing this on my PowerBook, which is hot (yeah, I'm a mac user - deal with it). Even hotter is the fact that I am writing this while sitting in my Lay-Z-Boy.

In other news, I fixed all the links on the right that I noticed weren't working as advertised.

What a sad state of affairs

2005-03-04T20:51:00.000-05:00

It's 8:51 on the first night of spring break and all of my law school friends have away messages up right now - not because they are all out getting drunk, but rather because they are all sitting in their apartments working on the journal competition. The vast majority of away messages right now express feelings of hatred towards the Bluebook. Others question the decision to enter the legal profession in general.

I still haven't gotten to the point where I am sick of the topic yet. Additionally, I haven't had any homicidal rages as of yet (although I came close when by friend Burner told me he was sitting in a bar in Venice Beach about 100 yards from the ocean sipping a beer).

I just bought a 2 liter bottle of Mountain Dew and two boxes of Kraft Mac & Cheese. That should get me through the night.

The number you are trying to reach has been disconnected

2005-03-04T16:05:00.000-05:00

So ever since I have had to get a new phone number in January, I have been getting an insane number of wrong number calls. I never use this phone, so I just turned the ringer off so as not to be bothered by the idiots who can't dial a telephone. I also never bother to check my message either. I did notice today, however, that my memory on my answering machine was full, and since that is the number that I put on my resume, I figured it might be a good idea to erase those messages to free up some room for the hundreds of employers who are bound to start calling any day now. Unfortunately, my machine doesn't let me delete without first listening to all the messages, so I got to listen to 59 messages. The vast majority of them were nothing, but there were some interesting ones. There were a bunch from people who saw my number on their caller ID and called me back. This means one of two things: either someone is breaking into my apartment and calling people or these assholes can't read a fucking phone number. And another thing - do people actually call back random numbers on their caller ID. I don't even want random people calling me - I'm sure as shit not going to randomly call someone else. I also got a message from Terry at the Bureau of Farm Management in New Mexico. How in the name of sweet Christ did he get my number? My favorite, though, has to be a call from a guy telling me that my shoes were not on the train and giving me another number to call to hunt down my shoes. So I guess there is some poor asshole running around somewhere minus one pair of shoes. Maybe I should have called to see what size they were.

In other news, the journal competition is into high gear now. I am still in that stage where the reading is actually interesting and I am actually enjoying learning about something new. I'm going to assume that that feeling will last for about three more hours, tops.

Did I just say that?

2005-03-03T22:14:00.000-05:00

NDC found, and then summarily made fun of, a site that allegedly provides you with creative ideas for blog posts. You can read that here.

Legally Intoxicated then kicked it up a notch by providing his own ideas, in a manner that only he can. You can see that here.

Needing a break from the journal competition, I decided to reply to Legally Intoxicated's ideas, just for the hell of it.

With apologies in advance, here it is...

- Have you ever done it with a prostitute?
Does it count if she was a prostitute by trade, but I didn’t pay her that particular time?
- Have you ever done it with an animal?
Oh, she was an animal, alright
- Have you ever killed anybody and why?
See question 1 – that particular dark alley didn’t have any ATMs
- Why do you think no one reads your blog?
Because my mom doesn’t know how to work a computer.
- If you could have any celebrity tortured to death, who would it be?
Ashlee Simpson…oh wait, you said celebrity, not untalented, horribly annoying, snotty bitch.
- Tonight: Drink two cases of beer...Tomorrow: Vomit.
I’m already working on it.
- Are you, or have you ever been, sexually attracted to Ewoks?
No, but I do have the 2005 Wookie Swimsuit Calendar
- Quine's theory of Onotological Commitment rocks!
Hell yeah it does – and if you don’t know what this is, then you are not cool enough for me to explain it to you.
- Could you possibly be any more retarded?
Let me go beat myself in the head with a hammer for an hour…[one hour later]…yes.
- What was the most you've ever thrown up?
A couple of weeks ago, I had the flu and threw up so hard that my taint hurt.
- Do you harbor animosity towards a particular ethnic group?
Mommy taught me that I don’t like anybody who doesn’t look like me.
- "I would rather be electrocuted than eaten by cannibals." Discuss.
Actually, as long as they electrocute me long enough that I reach an internal temperature of 160 degrees, the cannibals can eat me all they want – I just don’t want to be responsible for any food poisoning
- Recite the facts of Hawkins v. McGee.
Um…no.
- Discuss the cinematography in your favorite porn.
I saw one that was so bad that you could see the cameraman’s foot for the entire scene – and he wasn’t a “participant”
- I have no ideas of my own because...
Law school has sapped my will to live.
- Astroglide or KY?
KY all the way
- Monkey is to Gelatin as Onomatopoeia is to...
My ass
- Write a haiku about a chronic illness.
“H-four”, “Hi-five”, “Hiv”
Magic Johnson has it good
Who needs white blood cells
- You and me baby, ain't nothing but mammals.
So let’s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
- What is your favorite flavor of Skoal?
Regular bandits
- Your best home remedy for syphillis.
Following my philosophy of enough alcohol cures everything, dip my junk in a pitcher of tequila
- Fuck it.
You said it, man.

This already blows.

2005-03-03T18:56:00.000-05:00

There's 213 pages of source materials. I have a full case of beer, a half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and I'm wearing sunglasses.

Hit it.

Tell me again why I am doing this?

2005-03-03T14:51:00.000-05:00

It starts today. The 1L Law Journal write on competition - a.k.a. let's watch the gunners go nuts. First of all, let me reiterate how totally sweet it is that this god awful thing takes place over the first weekend of spring break. The best part of this whole thing so far is the questions. The Law Review board set up an online forum for people to post questions about the competition and let me tell you, some of them are absolutely unbelieveable. They are so good that they are going to get their own post in a little while.

So, I am going to be working on this thing until 8:00 on Monday. Believe me, there will be plenty of updates over the weekend, as I am going to have to take many, many breaks in order to keep my sanity. I think I am going to get a couple of cases of beer for this weekend to make it a little more interesting.

At least I have something to look forward to after the competition is over. Wait, no - I have to spend Tuesday and Wednesday researching my appellate brief and then I get to leave on Thursday to return home to the armpit of America, the 'Lou, for the weekend. The one good thing is that my buddy is getting married on Satruday, so hopefully I can get drunk at the reception and who knows, maybe even meet some single women who are depressed that they aren't brides and are looking for a quick hookup.

God Bless Texas

2005-03-02T23:21:00.000-05:00

Today is Texas Independence Day. While I am not a native Texan, I am a Texan at heart. In fact, my friend Dallas from...well, Dallas made me an Honorary Texan for my birthday this year. As an Honorary Texan, I am "entitled to drink longnecks (check) and have a boot-stompin' good time (check). I am reauired to love bar-b-que (check), country music (check) and share the great hospitality of the Lone Star State (check)."

Or, as Pat Green says, "God might have made me born a Yankee, but its time that I made Texas my home."

For a better explanation of what this day means, check out Legally Intoxicated

The Shiner tastes extra good tonight.

What happens in Vegas...

2005-03-02T21:57:00.000-05:00

Mayor endorses gin to fourth graders

I like this guy - we have one of the same hobbies. Maybe if my career doesn't pan out like I have planned, I can run for mayor of Las Vegas.

So this is what productivity feels like

2005-03-02T18:23:00.000-05:00

My computer was at the help desk during my four hour break today and as a result I think this was the most productive day I spent at law school the entire year. I was TCOB'n like nobody's business. Not only did I read for tomorrow's classes, I even read a case for Friday - if you have ever seen me frantically doing my reading during the first 15 minutes of class, you would know that is huge for me.

Unfortunately, after working on my computer for almost 4 hours, the geniuses at the help desk managed to make my computer worse than when I dropped it off. I knew it was not good when the first thing they told me when I went to pick it up was, "we can't fix it, you are going to have to reformat your hard drive." I knew it was even worse when the first thing my classmates said when I told them that I took it to the help desk was, "well, that was your first mistake."

Well, at least I got my homework done, so I have the night free to try to fix it my self - and by fix it myself I mean make it totally inoperable before throwing it off of my balcony.

I'm gonna need to verify this...

2005-03-01T23:16:00.000-05:00

Apparently, science has it in for me.

Where can I get some drunk insurance.

[thanks, Soupie]

SOTD

2005-03-01T19:40:00.000-05:00

So I was talking to my boy Cruiser and he suggested that I have a slogan of the day. He even provided me with a slogan for today. Before I tell you the slogan, I have to give you the following warning: Cruiser may contain material that parents may not find suitable for children under the age of fourteen. That being said (and against my better judgment) here goes nothing...

"Jack and Coke - Because necrophilia means you don't have to buy her dinner first."

Also, Cruiser and I have decided that this is the greatest invention ever.

God, it smells awful in here.

2005-03-01T19:31:00.000-05:00

Congrats to ALSA and SALSA for picking the smallest room in the school to have the 1L journal competition tips session. It hasn't even started yet and it already smells disgusting in here. Plus, great organization - lets have each of our "experts" talk for 30 seconds then open it up to absolutely insane questions, the answers to most of which were, "it will be in the instructions." The best tip given all night was probably, "it was pretty much the worst weekend of my time in law school."

Forget the iPod

2005-03-01T16:22:00.000-05:00

MMM to Burgle in the soft lounge, "Your dick is playing music."

UPDATE: MMM said this was better than saying, "I think your iPod is on."

Also overheard in the soft lounge earlier, "What is the difference between a PB&J sandwich and a dead baby? A dead baby doesn't stick to the roof of your mouth."

Man, it has been too long since I have heard a good dead baby joke.

802.1x Authentication Failure

2005-03-01T13:25:00.000-05:00

I almost threw my computer out of the 4th floor window this morning. The network here is less than reliable and for some reason that nobody seems to be able to explain to me, whenever it is having issues it makes a little window that says "802.1x Authentication Failure" pops up. Normally this is not a big deal. However, this morning during property, this god damn thing popped up at least 40 times. On the other hand, I wasn't able to log on to the network all morning, so I actually paid attention during class - amazing how listening to the teacher can make the stuff make sense. Thankfully, everything seems to be working ok now so I can keep my semester long streak of not paying one bit of attention in contracts.

This morning was horrible, yet interesting at the same time. I woke up after snoozing for 45 minutes and as soon as my feet hit the floor, the song "Hooked On A Feeling" popped into my head. This is unacceptable. I logically came to the conclusion that if I went back to bed it would fix this. Amazingly, it did. I woke up an hour later with a Brooks and Dunn song in my head. Wonderful.