Days Until I Am No Longer A 1L:

Saturday, June 18, 2005

It shouldn't be this difficult

So I went to lunch today at Quiznos - it was almost as big of a disaster as my shoes from the other day. I know that this place isn't necessarily a five star restaurant, but come on. First of all, I have a problem with how the idiot made my sandwich. I am going to go ahead and explain this problem to you, but it is going to involve a somewhat detailed discussion of lunch meats and sandwich design all leading up to what is most likely a less than exciting finish, so I fully understand if you want to skip this part of the post. Anyway, I ordered my favorite sub from Quiznos, the Classic Italian. The Classic Italian consists of salami, pepperoni, capicola, ham, mozzarella, lettuce, tomato, red onion, black olives, Red Wine Vinaigrette Dressing. First things first, I always get this without the tomatoes, because I can't stand the texture, and without black olives, because I would rather punch myself in the crotch than eat disgusting black olives, but I digress. Getting back to my problem with the construction of my sandwich today, let me explain to you how they normally make this kind of sandwich. Usually, they have the meat sliced and prepared ahead of time in little wax paper packages. When you order the sandwich, they open the little package and the meat is already all arranged to go on the bread. They have it laid out so that the capicola and ham are on one side of a roll that is sliced open (i.e. what becomes the bottom half of the sandwich) and the salami and pepperoni are on the other (i.e. what becomes the top half). After this, they put the cheese in the middle then fold it all up. When you get a large sandwich, as I did today due to the fact that I hadn't eaten all day and I was hungover hungry, they use two of these meat packages. They sort of combine the meat from two packages - all the ham and capicola on one side and all the salami and pepperoni on the other for an even distribution of meat in every bite. I have had this sandwich prepared in this manner on a number of occasions and it is usually fantastic. Today, however, was an entirely different story, See, when the genius today made the sandwich, he mixed up the meat. He put all of the ham and capicola on one end and all of the salami and pepperoni on the other. The end result was that halfway through the sandwich, the entire thing changed. It was like having two totally different sandwiches. It certainly was not the even distribution of delicious meats that I have come to expect from my Classic Italian Quiznos sub. Needless to say, I was rather disappointed.

I thought that would be the extent of my disappointment, but I was wrong. Now, there was a steady flow of customers in there, but it wasn't overwhelmingly crowded or anything like that. However, the numbnuts at the cash register was fucking everything up. It was taking him forever and a day to ring people out, so the sandwiches that were ready to go were getting backed up. Then, some of the sandwiches got out of order and that just totally blew this kid's mind. He got all flustered and started giving everyone the wrong sandwiches. The manager came over and had an idea of what the problem was, but this was the funniest part. He immediately started accusing the customers standing in line of getting out of order and fucking everything up, like we all decided to play a prank on the cash register idiot or we were too stupid to figure out how to stand in a line. He never even imagined that it was his idiot employees who were getting the sandwiches out of order. And he wasn't very nice about it either - he started telling the customers very sternly to not get out of order in the line. To make matters worse, one of the sandwiches just totally disappeared, but these two geniuses working there were sticking to their "the line is out of order" story and it took them about ten minutes to realize that this poor bastard's sandwich had gotten completely lost. Then, just to make it worse, right after I ordered, a tour group of about 25 people came in all at once. That was about three hours ago - I wonder if they have their lunch yet?