Days Until I Am No Longer A 1L:

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

You're giving men everywhere a bad name.

Just a quick question for all of you idiot men that I see in your business attire on the Metro in the morning...IS IT THAT HARD TO UNDERSTAND THAT YOU DON'T BUTTON THE BOTTOM BUTTON OF YOUR SUIT JACKET?!?

This has been the rule since pretty much forever. It isn't too hard to remember. If you do need help remembering, here is a little hint. If you are wearing a three button jaceket, the rules for buttoning, from top to bottom are sometimes, always, never. If you are wearing a two button jacket, take away the top button sometimes. If your jacket has too many buttons for these hints to work for, take it off and donate it to goodwill, as it went out of style a number of years ago. Seriously, when you button your bottom button, you look like a Douche - not a douche, a Douche. A lot of the times that I see this is on college interns heading to the hill. That is to be expected somewhat, but nevertheless unfortunate. However, I have seen this on quite a few grown men, and that is just unacceptable. Come on, guys, let's all get on the same page here.

Yes, I am a clothing/fashion whore. No, I swear I am not gay (not that there's anythig wrong with that).

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

A collection of somewhat amusing stuff

So, in the course of all of my research at work, I have run across a number of things that strike me as funny (at least, at the time). I usually write these down with the intention of posting them here for all of you to see (I still haven't done the whole blogging at work thing - call me a chicken, I don't care). However, I have yet to actually come home and share these tidbits with you...until now. Here's just a few...
  • "The place of the tragedy was approximately 100 feet east from the mobile home." Simpspn v. Smith, 771 S.W.2d 368 (Mo. Ct. App. 1989). Couldn't you also likely say that the place of the even bigger tragedy was approximately 100 feet west from the death? There is some more funny shit in this case if you have Westlaw access and some spare time - there is even what I believe was a domestic dispute to which the man arrived at the woman's trailer on his tractor.
  • I signed up for an online flight planning program so that I could get a better idea of the route of flight of the crash I am working on. Before I could complete the registration, I had to, of course, do the whole licensing agreement deal, just like with pretty much every other online sign up. The difference with this one was that the first sentence of the agreement, in all caps bold letters, was "PROPER AND OR IMPROPER USE OF THIS PRODUCT COULD KILL YOU." Talk about cutting right to the chase and not sugar coating things.
  • For all of my section 14ers, tell me that this isn't Todd the Bod to a T - Footnote 1 of a Missouri Appellate Court opinion, at the conclusion of the first paragraph where Presiding Judge Laura Denvir Stith gives a brief synopsis of the case, reads as follows: "We commend counsel for both parties for their excelent briefing and argument of the complex issues involved in this case." Ferrellgass, L.P. v. Williamson (Mo. Ct. App. 2000).
  • Finally, here is another bit of aviation humor. This was actually heard on the tower control frequency...
    • Male Pilot: "Tower, flight 856 with you out of 13,000 feet for 10,000, requesting runway 15."
    • Female Air Traffic Controller: "Flight 856, tower, last time I gave a pilot what he wanted, I was on penicillin for three weeks, expect runway 6.
That's all for now, hope this brought a little joy to your evening.

Good point

So I was out watching the Pistons/Spurs game with a bunch of my friends who are Pistons fans (including Detroit and her bf, go figure). As the game was winding down and it was obvious that the Pistons were going to win, everyone started making plans for game 7. Detroit's bf - let's call him Houdini - said that the can go somewhere and really cut loose because he has plenty of sick days. Detroit responded to this by reminding him that he just got finished telling her that he had a ton of work to do, to the point that it might not be the best idea to take a fake sick day. To this, Houdini responded, "well, if I go out and drink a bunch of beers Thursday night, I will really be sick on Friday." Can't argue with that.

Monday, June 20, 2005

Run, Forrest, Run

So I was standing in front of my apartment talking to my frined Dallas tonight when I saw something that made me laugh my ass off. In the middle of the street right in front of my place, the police have put one of those little portable machine deals that checks your speed and then displays it on a screen as you are driving by. While we were standing there, a group of people walked by on their way back to the dorms at GW. One of them decided he wanted to test the machine, so he went out into the middle of the street and ran as fast as he could past the thing. Just seeing some dude sprint down the middle of a six lane road past this speed limit machine was a funny sight. It was made even better with the flip-flop sound effect that went with it. It did make me question the validity of the machine, however - it said he was going 17 miles per hour. Seeing how running is obviously not one of my favorite things to do, I really have no way to judge this, but I don't really think this guy was doing 17 in a 25. Who knows, I may be wrong. It was damn funny, though.

Sunday, June 19, 2005

Holy fuckin' shit

So, I went to a party tonight. MMM had a party at her apartment. Seeing as how MMM is from New Mexico and she is a phenomenal cook, there was a ton of southwestern food. All of the food was scrumtralescent. The enchiladas were amazing. However, the best part of the night - actually, I shouldn't take away from MMM"s cooking skillz by saying this was the best part of the night - I guess I should say the part of the night that is having the greatest effect on me is the margaritas.


Let me say that again - the fucking MARGARITAS!!!

I guess it has been a long time since I have had tequila, or maybe it was the fact that these were quite possibly the strongest margaritas I have ever had, but regardless, I am fucking rocked right now. Honestly, I only had about 4 or 5 margaritas, but I am so hammered that the world is spinning right now. I can't remember the last time this little alcohol has gotten me this fucked up.

Currently, I am listening to Eddie Murphy do his impression of Bill Cosby on the Raw record and laughing my ass off. Obviously, Mother gets this based on the conversation we have just had, but if you haven;t heard this shit, it is fucking hilarious. First of all, Bill Cosby is fucking hilarious - watch or listen to every stand up thing he has ever done ever. After that (and it helps to see him live, take this from me), watch Eddie Murphy do his impression of Bill Cosby on the Raw video - it is the fucking funniest thing ever. All I have to say is "next time he call, tell him to suck my dick - Tell him I said have a Coke and a smile and shut the fuck up...Jello pudding pop eating mother fucker." Seriously, right about now, this is the funniest shit right about now, but I guess you have to be here to appreciate this.

Anyway, I guess I had better go start the process of trying to go to bed tonight without dying. This ought to be good. Tomorrow is going to suck.

Saturday, June 18, 2005

It shouldn't be this difficult

So I went to lunch today at Quiznos - it was almost as big of a disaster as my shoes from the other day. I know that this place isn't necessarily a five star restaurant, but come on. First of all, I have a problem with how the idiot made my sandwich. I am going to go ahead and explain this problem to you, but it is going to involve a somewhat detailed discussion of lunch meats and sandwich design all leading up to what is most likely a less than exciting finish, so I fully understand if you want to skip this part of the post. Anyway, I ordered my favorite sub from Quiznos, the Classic Italian. The Classic Italian consists of salami, pepperoni, capicola, ham, mozzarella, lettuce, tomato, red onion, black olives, Red Wine Vinaigrette Dressing. First things first, I always get this without the tomatoes, because I can't stand the texture, and without black olives, because I would rather punch myself in the crotch than eat disgusting black olives, but I digress. Getting back to my problem with the construction of my sandwich today, let me explain to you how they normally make this kind of sandwich. Usually, they have the meat sliced and prepared ahead of time in little wax paper packages. When you order the sandwich, they open the little package and the meat is already all arranged to go on the bread. They have it laid out so that the capicola and ham are on one side of a roll that is sliced open (i.e. what becomes the bottom half of the sandwich) and the salami and pepperoni are on the other (i.e. what becomes the top half). After this, they put the cheese in the middle then fold it all up. When you get a large sandwich, as I did today due to the fact that I hadn't eaten all day and I was hungover hungry, they use two of these meat packages. They sort of combine the meat from two packages - all the ham and capicola on one side and all the salami and pepperoni on the other for an even distribution of meat in every bite. I have had this sandwich prepared in this manner on a number of occasions and it is usually fantastic. Today, however, was an entirely different story, See, when the genius today made the sandwich, he mixed up the meat. He put all of the ham and capicola on one end and all of the salami and pepperoni on the other. The end result was that halfway through the sandwich, the entire thing changed. It was like having two totally different sandwiches. It certainly was not the even distribution of delicious meats that I have come to expect from my Classic Italian Quiznos sub. Needless to say, I was rather disappointed.

I thought that would be the extent of my disappointment, but I was wrong. Now, there was a steady flow of customers in there, but it wasn't overwhelmingly crowded or anything like that. However, the numbnuts at the cash register was fucking everything up. It was taking him forever and a day to ring people out, so the sandwiches that were ready to go were getting backed up. Then, some of the sandwiches got out of order and that just totally blew this kid's mind. He got all flustered and started giving everyone the wrong sandwiches. The manager came over and had an idea of what the problem was, but this was the funniest part. He immediately started accusing the customers standing in line of getting out of order and fucking everything up, like we all decided to play a prank on the cash register idiot or we were too stupid to figure out how to stand in a line. He never even imagined that it was his idiot employees who were getting the sandwiches out of order. And he wasn't very nice about it either - he started telling the customers very sternly to not get out of order in the line. To make matters worse, one of the sandwiches just totally disappeared, but these two geniuses working there were sticking to their "the line is out of order" story and it took them about ten minutes to realize that this poor bastard's sandwich had gotten completely lost. Then, just to make it worse, right after I ordered, a tour group of about 25 people came in all at once. That was about three hours ago - I wonder if they have their lunch yet?

Is there anything wrong with wearing flip-flops with a suit?

So I got some new shoes last weekend. Dress shoes to wear to work in a color other than black. They are good shoes from a reputable brand that is known for making comfortable dress shoes for men. I tried them on in the store. They fit well and felt comfortable. I figured it would be no problem getting these broken in. I finally wore them to work yesterday, and let me tell you, it was one of the worst shoe experiences I've ever had.

I could feel blisters forming on my heels and on my little toes. To make matters worse, I did a lot of extra walking yesterday because I met a friend of mine for lunch in Chinatown. Now, I have had blisters before, and I figured these would be about the same. I was wrong.

The socks that I wore yesterday look like something from the Curt Schilling collection. There are two huge bloodstains on the heels. There are also two spots about the size of a quarter on each of my heals where there is essentially no skin. Needless to say, it is a little tender. The worst part isn't even that, though, it is my pinky toes. The left one isn't too bad - there is just a barely noticeable little blister there. The right one, however, is a different story. There is a huge, disgusting blood-filled blister covering essentially my entire little toe. It is gross and nasty and disgusting and gross. It is big and angry looking and dark red and kinda squishy. It's not even that it hurts that much - it's just disgusting to look at. I try to cover it up with a band aid, but it is hard to get it to stick to my itty bitty toe. Maybe tonight I will just make it my goal to gross out as many people as possible. Should be fun.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

The voices in my head are cracking up

If you had been inside my head while I was riding home on the metro today, you would have heard something like this...

"Did that guy just seriously say 'come on people, let's pick up the pace' during rush hour? Well before the "doors closing' warning? That guy with the sweet fanny pack??? And now is he wondering out loud why nobody wants to sit next to him? I should go kick him in the face. I like nachos"

That last part really doesn't have anything to do with the rest of it - I just like nachos so much that they are always randomly popping into my head.

Monday, June 13, 2005

1-800-USA-RAIL

As if the aviation industry wasn't already in the shitter enough, here is a little something that will probably convince all of those who are on the fence about flying to just go ahead and drive anywhere. It is something I stumbled across in a case opinion while doing research from the crash case I am working on right now.
"Dr. William R. Kinklow, an FAA pathologist, testified that the three persons on board the aircraft had various multiple fractures of multiple bones, very severe head injuries, including partial decapitation and avulsion of the skull, where most of the brain was spilled out, severe chest injuries, multiple fractures of the ribs with probable compression of the chest to the extent that the heart actually burst in one victim, a tear in the major artery across the chest of the pilot, which in Dr. Kinklow's opinion indicated very severe impact on landing."


Very severe impact on landing? Really? Really?

Friday, June 10, 2005

Shooter!!!!

Hey, y'all,

It's Thursday (I guess technically, it's Friday, but you get the idea) and if you have been a reader for any time now, you know what that means. Yeah, that's right, I went out and had a few beers tonight. Apparently, our plans to go to the hill tonight fell through, so it ended up being me and Cruiser at Lindy's - go figure. Needless to say, we had a good time. Now, I am just waiting until I get to a place where I can go to sleep without the world spinning an throwing me off.

In the mean time, I will take a chance to tell you about my job. In a word, it is fucking sweet. It is like the missing link I have been looking for. Let me explain that. Relatively speaking, I enjoyed my first year of law school. I enjoyed my LRW class, which, as all of you law students know, is apparently the closest thing that first years do to doing what lawyers actually do in real life. And while I enjoyed that stuff, it was kinda shitty because I really didn't care much about the subject matter I was researching and writing. Now, however, I am doing that kind of stuff with a topic that I absolutely love. Let me say this - I looooooove aviation and all things related to the industry. Just reading about and talking about the industry again for the first time in about three years has been wonderful. Being able to do law stuff and aviation stuff at the same time is so enjoyable. Oh yeah, for all of those who didn't know, I am working at the FAA Office of the Chief Counsel. Yeah, I have only been there a week, but I am really enjoying it. And to make it all better, I get to see what it is like to go to the office hung over tomorrow.

Anyway, I guess I had better get to sleep or something like that. It was good talking to you - hopefully I will be around more in the future.

Peace,
Jack

p.s. "Well, welcome everybody to Wooly's place - you can pull up a chair or you can pull up my face" - Bonus points to anyone who knows what song is in my head right now and who it is by (except Law and Alcoholism - I will be disappointed if you don't know this).

Sunday, June 05, 2005

Fuckin' A, Bubba

It's been a while since I have done this, but I am drunk and I am bloging - here goes nothing. I guess this is kinda my last hurrah before I start work on Monday, so I kinda went all out tonight. It was a good night. I met up with SS, Detroit, and Detroit's BF to watch the basketball game. The best part about that was that they had been at a wine tasting all day. Making things even better is the fact that Detroit's BF, PS, weighs about 100 pounds soaking wet. Now, PS is a great guy and all, but needless to say, he was pretty drunk already when I met him. The handful of pithers during the game just made things even better. Now, after the game was over, SS kept talking about the women who were going to meet us in Adams Morgan, should we venture there from the NoVa area. We all piled in a cab and ended up at Adam's Mill, which was honestly a good time, despite it being in the Adams Morgan area. By the time SS's girls showed up, it was about a half hour wait to get into the bar we were at so I guess it was time to move. We ended up at some place that I have never been to before, and I don't know the name, but it was pretty cool. The drinks were pretty reasonably priced, for DC, and SS's ladies were good company too, so it was a good time all in all. The only problem was the line for the men's room. It was so bad that even I couldn't stand in it. By the time we were leaving, it was getting to about that point where ol' Jack really had to go. The line for the bathroom was seriously too long to even bother waiting in, so I gave up on that real quick. I was waiting for SS to see if he was ever going to close the deal with one of the lady friends he met up with, but he was taking such a sweet ass time that I couldn't take it anymore. I finally jumped in a cab by myself, and let me tell you, this was the most painful cab ride of my entire life. I had to go so bad that i could barely even think straight. Unfortunately, I got in the cab right about the time that alll the bars closed in AM, so the traffic was horrendous. To make matters worse, I had one of those cabbies who felt it was necessary to talk the entire way home. I have to be honest - I reallly didn't want to talk to this guy. All I could think about was getting home and urinating. Finally, we made it somewhat close to my apartment. Unfortunately, as close as a cab cab get you is still pretty far from my place, so after throwing the guy some money, I damn near sprinted to my place. Once I got there, I ran to the bathroom and peed for what felt like an half hour. It was amazing - orgasmic, almost. That is pretty much the story of the night. I have had the hiccups since about the time in the story when we got to the second bar in Adams Morgan. That is really starting to piss me off, especially since nothing I do seems to make them go away. Also, I already have to pee again. I guess I had better go take care of some business instead of spending the entire night blogging. I hope you enjoy this alll. I am sure there are plenty of typos, but I am not going to sppellcheck this one just so I can see now much of an ass I am tomorrow when I read this thing. Hope you enjoyed this. Until next time.

Regards,
Jack

p.s. Hey, Liz, the ten small sips followed by a burp is not helping with the hiccups - we're fighting.

Friday, June 03, 2005

Books are your friend.

Hey y'all, how's it been going. Things are great here. I start work on Monday, finally. Things have been getting pretty boring around here, especially because all of my friends have already started working. I've had a weird experience over the past few weeks. I love to read in my free time and was looking forward to the time I had off between finals and work to do some reading that I hadn't had a chance to do during the school year. I went out and bought a bunch of books right after finals were over. I have always been a reader of non-fiction stuff. I tend to pick up books on either politics and current events or military, particularly WWII, history. I have shelves of these books and always have enjoyed reading them. This is where the something funny happened. I started to get a little bored with the book I was reading (Citizen Soldier by Stephen Ambrose). I would pick it up and read a few pages here and there, but I couldn't really get into it like I usually do with books. I figured it was just a factor of my overall boredom that I didn't want to sit around my apartment reading all day. Then a friend of mine said something that really hit me. We were talking about the books we were reading and I mentioned the war book I was reading and she said, "I can't read that stuff, I read to escape reality." It may not seem like much, especially considering we were both pretty drunk at the time, but it really struck me later. I remember sitting in my apartment and looking at my book on the coffee table and thinking to myself, "I do not want to read this at all. It is 600 pages about war and death and suffering, and I know how it turns out in the end." I also was really turned off by the idea of picking up one of my politically themed books and reading another so called pundit piss and moan on and on about how awful the other side is but never say anything worthwhile or suggest a way to make things better. At this point, I was lost because my interest had been so narrow that I had no idea what to read. Thankfully, I had the latest issue of ESPN The Magazine to hold me over. Eventually I got around to asking my friend from above what she suggested I read. She recommended a book called Life of Pi by Yann Martel. I picked it up the other day and I have to admit it is a really good read. It's kinda hard to explain what it is all about without getting too in depth - just summarizing it in a sentence or two doesn't give it justice. The thing I really like about it is how many times it has stopped and made me think. I have about 100 pages to go and now I can't put it down. You should check it out. On that note, I am going to grab some lunch and finish this off.