Days Until I Am No Longer A 1L:

Thursday, March 03, 2005

Did I just say that?

NDC found, and then summarily made fun of, a site that allegedly provides you with creative ideas for blog posts. You can read that here.

Legally Intoxicated then kicked it up a notch by providing his own ideas, in a manner that only he can. You can see that here.

Needing a break from the journal competition, I decided to reply to Legally Intoxicated's ideas, just for the hell of it.

With apologies in advance, here it is...

- Have you ever done it with a prostitute?
Does it count if she was a prostitute by trade, but I didn’t pay her that particular time?
- Have you ever done it with an animal?
Oh, she was an animal, alright
- Have you ever killed anybody and why?
See question 1 – that particular dark alley didn’t have any ATMs
- Why do you think no one reads your blog?
Because my mom doesn’t know how to work a computer.
- If you could have any celebrity tortured to death, who would it be?
Ashlee Simpson…oh wait, you said celebrity, not untalented, horribly annoying, snotty bitch.
- Tonight: Drink two cases of beer...Tomorrow: Vomit.
I’m already working on it.
- Are you, or have you ever been, sexually attracted to Ewoks?
No, but I do have the 2005 Wookie Swimsuit Calendar
- Quine's theory of Onotological Commitment rocks!
Hell yeah it does – and if you don’t know what this is, then you are not cool enough for me to explain it to you.
- Could you possibly be any more retarded?
Let me go beat myself in the head with a hammer for an hour…[one hour later]…yes.
- What was the most you've ever thrown up?
A couple of weeks ago, I had the flu and threw up so hard that my taint hurt.
- Do you harbor animosity towards a particular ethnic group?
Mommy taught me that I don’t like anybody who doesn’t look like me.
- "I would rather be electrocuted than eaten by cannibals." Discuss.
Actually, as long as they electrocute me long enough that I reach an internal temperature of 160 degrees, the cannibals can eat me all they want – I just don’t want to be responsible for any food poisoning
- Recite the facts of Hawkins v. McGee.
Um…no.
- Discuss the cinematography in your favorite porn.
I saw one that was so bad that you could see the cameraman’s foot for the entire scene – and he wasn’t a “participant”
- I have no ideas of my own because...
Law school has sapped my will to live.
- Astroglide or KY?
KY all the way
- Monkey is to Gelatin as Onomatopoeia is to...
My ass
- Write a haiku about a chronic illness.
“H-four”, “Hi-five”, “Hiv”
Magic Johnson has it good
Who needs white blood cells
- You and me baby, ain't nothing but mammals.
So let’s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
- What is your favorite flavor of Skoal?
Regular bandits
- Your best home remedy for syphillis.
Following my philosophy of enough alcohol cures everything, dip my junk in a pitcher of tequila
- Fuck it.
You said it, man.