Days Until I Am No Longer A 1L:

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

Here you go, CD

So I have been getting a lot of flack recently for not updating my blog more often, including a comment from CD on my last post. Deb has her own theory as to why this is that I find pretty interesting - you should ask her about it. While I wish that were really the explination, it unfortunately isn't the case (at least, not all of the time). No, the real reason that I haven't posted anything recently is that I haven't felt funny recently. When I am not funny, I don't tend to write because it usually turns out like this one, and who wants to read this kind of stuff all the time. And the reason I haven't felt funny recently is that right now I am feeling more stressed out than I ever have in my entire life up to this point.

If you feel like you want to stop reading now, I would tend to say that is a good idea, but I am going to continue writing because I already started and it's too late to stop now.

I am feeling stressed out because my grades from last semester made me realize that the amount of work I was doing back then just isn't going to cut it - I need to start actually reading and comprehending the material and paying attention in class. I am feeling stressed out because I have a stupid memo for a pass/fail class due in four days and, not only have I not written a word yet, I don't even know where to start. I feel stressed out because not only have I not sent any resumes out yet, I haven't even written a resume, due in no small part to the fact that I have never had a "real" job in my life that I can put on a resume. Taking a big picture view, I feel stressed out because I am 25 years old and getting older everyday, I have arguably lived one third of my life, and I feel like I have yet to accomplish one worthwhile thing to be proud of. I feel like my life won't be validated until I graduate from school and start a successful career. And the way things are going right now, I feel like if I don't get my ass in gear, I am setting myself up for failure. Add to that the fact that for the first few weeks of the semester I was battling with a heavy bout of depression that sapped my motivation to the point where I have been behind from day one and right now I feel like I am trying to drink water out of a fire hose.

I have no idea why I just wrote all of that. I do know that it wasn't to get anybody to feel sorry for me - I absolutely hate that and it would only make me feel worse. I guess there was some theraputic effect in putting it all out there. Additionally, hopefully it helps explain somewhat why I have been acting weird since we got back from break which has been the case according to numerous people.

Anyway, there's my blog update. Probably not what people had in mind. Hopefully, there will be some crazy stories to tell after Barrister's Ball on Friday. Until next time...