Days Until I Am No Longer A 1L:

Monday, February 28, 2005

JB3 never taught us this...

I don't remember this from first semester. Maybe it is Torts II. Click here for one of the funniest things ever courtesy of Legally Intoxicated.

Mother Nature is a Dirty Bitch.

After waking up and not seeing one flake of the predicted overnight snow, it was great to sit in my apartment all day and watch the snow fall once it finally started. I was just waiting for this city to be shut down like it is whenever there is one flake of snow on the ground. However, when I went to my balcony to get that beautiful look at the snow covered roads, to my dismay there was not one flake of snow on the ground. In fact, there was less snow on the ground than when I woke up. Tell me how that is possible. It managed to snow all day without sticking to the ground until I was walking home. Now it is going to taper off and we are going to get two pitiful inches that will be plowed away by morning so all the teachers can get to work. I am praying for a melt and refreeze thing to happen overnight.

In other news, me and Mother had "the talk" today. He told me that sometimes daddy gives mommy a special hug.

What The Hell Happened Here

Here it is, my new and improved blog. I have obviously made changes to the layout of the site, but if you look closely, you will see changes to the content as well. For example, from now on there will be no more names. Obviously, everybody who read my old blog and who knows me will know who I am, but that is not who I am concerned about. I just thought it might be a good idea to keep my (and all my friends') hijinks private from the rest of the world. Also, instead of long, drawn out stories, I will probably post short little crap more often (like, whenever something funny pops into my head - or whenever we have con law or contracts class).

Hope you like it. Any suggestions are welcome.

UPDATE: If anybody has a gmail invite they want to send my way, that would be hot.

UPDATE 2: Thanks to Larry the Longhorn for the gmail invite. Check her out here.

I hate you people.

I officially hate anyone and everyone who takes the elevator to go up one floor. People like you should be wiped clean from the face of the earth. If you don't have at least one broken leg, you can handle taking one goddamn flight of stairs.

There is only thing I hate more than people who take the elevator to go up one floor because they are lazy and that is people who take the elevator to go up one floor because they have wheelie bags.

UPDATE: The very first elevator ride I took after I wrote this, two people got on and rode for one floor. Now, Detroit told me I should cut them some slack because one of them was a kid, but I say to hell with that. Kids are full of energy - one flight of stairs isn't going to hurt them. Plus, haven't you heard about the obesity epedimic among American kids? I'm doing him a favor.

Monday Morning Can Kiss My Ass

I hate Monday mornings. I hate the fact that I don't have class until 1:40 yet my alarm went off at 7 because I was totally unproductive and now I have to cram a weekend's worth of work into half a day. You would think that after having this same experience every Monday this semester, I would learn my lesson and be more productive all weekend. You would think that but you would be wrong.

I also hate sleeping in 9 minute intervals while I play the snooze button game.

This Monday morning had an extra kick to the crotch. All night long I kept hearing about the massive amounts of snow that were going to be dumped on this city. Well, I don't know if massive is the right word, but regardless, 7 inches definitely has the potential of shutting this city down. It was supposed to start overnight. Everyone was kinda banking on this to result in cancelled classes. Therefore, I was hopeful when I went to my window to see how much snow there was already. You can imagine where this is going. That's right, not one friggin' flake. Great, I have been out of bed for 30 seconds and already my day is ruined.

Sunday, February 27, 2005

Are you serious???

So apparently Fox decided to show Independence Day instead of their regular Sunday night lineup. I, of course, protested this awful programming decision by watching the entire movie. Hey, it may be bad but it is better than reading Civ Pro.

In other news, look for a major redesign of this blog coming soon. I'm talking so different that you will think you went to the wrong site. Pretty much the only thing holding me back is I can't think of a clever name. Any suggestions are appreciated.

One other note - eating an entire Papa John's pizza and drinking three cans of Sprite over the course of a few hours is not necessarily as good of an idea as it sounds.
Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Thoughts

I have had some random thoughts rattling around in my head today and I thought I would share them with you. There are only 4, so bear with me...
  • GW had a bonfire today to celebrate Washington's birthday. I still don't understand why they lit shit on fire to celebrate the birth of the nation's first president (nor do I understand why there weren't more people sitting around the fire drinking Bud). Actually, I kinda like this idea - we should light stuff on fire for all major holidays.
  • Commercials for Subway toasted subs. First of all, Subway is making a huge deal out of toasted subs like they are something new when in fact Subway is the last sandwich franchise on the planet to toast their sandwiches. Secondly, in the commercials for these subs, they allege that the subs are so hot that they can melt all the snow off of a VW Beetle in under 15 seconds. Call me crazy, but I don't think I want to eat something that hot. I think I'll stick with Potbellies
  • Reebok Pumps - I have no problem with Reebok bringing the Pump back. However, I saw an ad on ESPN.com today that said "inflatable shoes for a comfortable fit" like people don't know the whole point behind pumps. I mean seriously - didn't everybody learn this the last time we went through the whole pump craze?
  • I had a chicken pot pie for dinner. I haven't had a chicken pot pie in a long time. I like chicken pot pies for one reason in particular. I like the thought of eating the entire thing. I like to take mine out of the little paper deal that you cook it in so that when I finish, there is absolutely nothing left over. I know there is nothing left over when you eat a sandwich or something like that, but with a pot pie it is like you are eating your dishes and there is just something cool about that. It's almost as cool as the whole soup in a bread bowl thing. Now somebody needs to design edible utensils to go with the pot pies, although I guess that wouldn't work too well after the first bite.
  • I have the Maryland basketball game on in the background and one of the bands just played "The Final Countdown" - how sweet is that.
  • It would be cool if, seeing as how I am 25 years old, I knew how to count considering I said there were 4 things I wanted to share and I actually shared 5.
  • Actually, that last one happened after I had already written the 4 things part at the top - I am just doing all of this to make a joke about not being able to count.
  • Now I am just really stretching to make a bad joke.
  • Beating this like a dead horse.
Anyway, that's about it for now. Until next time...

Peace,
Jack

p.s. For some reason this all sounded a lot funnier in my head before I wrote it all down - maybe I need to be more selective of what musings I share with y'all, or develop some kind of focus group or something like that.

I Am A Bum

After quite possibly the laziest weekend ever, I am in the midst of the most unproductive morning ever. I know I have mentioned before my desire to get up early and TCB. Well, that is easier said than done. Like today for exapmle. Check out the minutes from my morning so far - this is laziness at its finest.
  • 6:00 - alarm goes off - hit snooze - back to bed
  • 6:09 - alarm goes off - reset alarm for 7:00 - back to bed
  • 7:00 - alarm goes off - hit snooze - back to bed
  • 7:09 - alarm goes off - turn off alarm - get up to read Property
  • 7:17 - realize that there is no new Property reading, just a review problem - reset alarm for 8:00 - back to bed
  • 8:00 - alarm goes off - hit snooze - back to bed
  • 8:09 - alarm goes off - turn off alarm - lay back down in bed - this is a huge gamble; by laying down without an alarm I am risking sleeping through my first class
  • 8:31 - solve the oversleeping problem by snoring so loudly that I wake myself up
  • 8:35 - waste another 10 minutes writing this stupid blog entry
Well, I guess I'll actually go do something to get myself ready for school. Or take a 15 minute nap - all this writing really wore me out.

Friday, February 18, 2005

Mustard Madness

Two words - "resounding success." That is the best way to describe the First Annual George Washington Law School International Mustard Appreciation Society Mustard Competition. It was a day that was long overdue, it was a day to celebrate the joy of mustard and it was a day that will not soon be forgotten in the minds of mustard lovers everywhere.

The day began with a private judging reception for Society members. Only the most discriminating mustard connoisseurs were invited to judge among two dozen mustards in categories such as Best Brown, Best Spicy Hot and Best Specialty/Flavored. A Chef's Choice Best In Show award was also given out. Competition was fierce and in all the excitement, I managed to lose my listing of the winners. Hopefully, I will be able to find it and share that information with all of you. In keeping with my persona (see previous post), I brought two mustards that contained Jack Daniel's Whiskey. While they did not do as well as I had hoped, garnering only one vote between the two, they did help elevate my appreication of mustard.

Later in the day, it was time for us to share our love of mustard with the masses. In conjunction with Thirsty Thursday, we set up a mustard sampling display in the hard lounge. Let me just say that the response was overwhelming. In fact, we had more mustard appreciation than we had paperware. I think the entire event was best summed up by the Georgia Peach, who said, "This is by far the weirdest thing that has ever happened at this school." Overall it was a great day for mustard.

Special recognition is due to B "mister mustard" M, who is the one who really got the ball rolling on all of this way back in the fall.

One last thing. Next up - hot sauce.

Until then...
Peace,
Jack

p.s. Hopefully, my next post will be about me driving race cars or being in a rock band or something like that, because after writing this much about mustard, I don't think I will be getting any dates for a long time.

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

My Reputation Seems To Proceed Me

I have had a few conversations recently that have given me a good idea of the reputation I have built among my friends. There seems to be a common theme here. See if you can pick it out from these stories...
  • I was talking to my friend JF yesterday and she asked me why I wasn't at Bar Review last Thursday. I responded, "because I was at home puking my guts out." To this, JF responded, "Ahh - Front Page?" The fact that I might actually be sick never crossed her mind. She just automatically assumed that I went out to the Front Page and got throwing up drunk.
  • Talking to EV this morning, she absolutely did not believe that last night was the first time that I drank an entire bottle of wine by myself in one sitting.
  • Finally, (and this one really made me laugh) I told CD this morning that I went running this weekend to which he responded, "what happened, did you run out of beer?"
I guess I do what I can to advance this reputation, but hey, I am just keeping in touch with my heritage and family background.

In other news, yesterday marked the end of an era. Yesterday, I ended my High Court boycott and let me tell you, I feel like a whole new man. The first con law case that this affected was McCulloch v. Maryland. Now, while I have been told that there is nothing like this case to get your engine going, let me just say this - in the textbook, the case covers 9 pages and is written in the language of 1819; in the High Court, the case covers a page and a half and was written in 2004. So I guess I am half way there - I have done reading to prepare my self somewhat for class, now I just need to make myself pay attention in class (note the timestamp on this post).

Here is something completely unrelated that I am sure most of you don't care about at all. The only reason that I am writing this is for the sake of prosperity. This is a stroy that I have been trying to find out for a while and I just got the answer I was looking for in an email last week. The only thing that I worry about is that I am going to lose the email, so I will put the story here.

"In the Middle Ages, the Knights of the Golden Fleece were among the best dressed and most colorful in all chivalric Europe, and wore a lamb suspended from a ribbon to symbolize their membership in this esteemed Order. Since 1850, The Golden Fleece has been Brooks Brothers' "logo." Over the years, Golden Fleece has also come to symbolize the quality and integrity found in the very best Brooks Brothers has to offer."

So, I guess the moral of this post is I'm a drunk, but I am a well dressed drunk.

Monday, February 14, 2005

This Day Sucks!!! Part II

If you read my post from earlier today, then you already know that today has been one of those days from hell for me where nothing at all seems to go right. Here are just a few more highlights from this glorious day...
  • After writing This Day Sucks!!! Part I, I went and sat in the lounge and got absolutely no reading done for contracts. I don't know how much of this was "the day's" fault, but with the mood I was in at this point, reading was pretty much out of the question.
  • For the next hour and a half, I sat in the lounge and had a fight with my computer and the internet. I swear, I am about to follow the advice of Grandpa Jack and throw this goddamn thing down the stairs.
  • Despite the fact that I slept in this morning, I was struggling to stay awake, so I went to Starbucks and got a triple espresso - which did absolutely nothing for me.
  • I went to contracts. Read the preceding post. Enough said.
  • After contracts, I was so not in the mood to read that I went to Wash Law to buy the High Court book for Civ Pro. Naturally, despite the fact that we use one of the two most common civ Pro textbooks out there, the only copy they had was a used, beat to shit one. And I don't mean a little worn and with a little bit of highlighting. No, this thing was rode hard and put away wet. None of the pages that I needed for today's class were actually attached to the book. Worse, the guy who had it before has handwriting so bad that even I can't read his notes.
  • In Civ Pro I took so many notes that I literally didn't even have time to look up from my computer for 50 minutes straight.
  • All of the guys went to Baja for dinner. Kinda an anti-girls-anti-Valentines-night deal. While I enjoy spending time with my boys, this goes along with my lunch and the whole not spending money on eating out thing. However, at this point, I didn't really give a shit anymore.
  • Speaking of giving a shit...it was Baja and you know what that means. This is a perfect sign of how my day went. Thanks to the wonders of buying bulk, I currently have 16 rolls of toilet paper in my apartment. However, not one of them was within reach when I needed it the most.
After a day like this, what is one to do? Well, I don't know what most people do, but I know what I'm gonna do. Open a bottle of wine and sit here and drink as much of it as I can before I go to bed. I give up on this day. Day, you win. But you just watch yourself tomorrow.

Bottoms up.

This Explains K to a T...

So I'm sitting here in contracts and the funniest thing just happened. I don't know, maybe it isn't that funny but I thought it was hilarious. It was about 15 minutes into class and JM turned to me and, as calm as could be and in a completely normal voice said, "Do you have any idea what is happening right now?" I responded, simply, "No." I think that is a pretty fair assessment of contracts class these days, at least from my point of view.

This Day Sucks!!!

This day totally sucks and it has nothing to do with the fact that it is Valentine's Day. It is just one of those days where nothing seems to go your way. I wanted to wake up early this morning because I have a lot to do. I have been trying to get into the habit of getting up early and being productive and it has been going ok, but I thought today I would try something to help it along. Here is my bright idea - I thought I would put my alarm clock somewhere that I can't reach from bed, with the idea being that once I got up to shut it off, I would just stay up. That was quite possibly one of the stupidest ideas I have ever had. First of all, seeing as how the alarm clock was going to be farther away than usual, I put it on the loud setting just to make sure I heard it. That was a mistake. I thought there was a fire or something when that fucker went off at 6 this morning. So I got up and turned it on the low setting and hit snooze, telling myself that I was too startled by that to get out of bed yet. Nine minutes later, the thing went off again. This time it wasn't so piercing. I got up, turned it off and got right back in bed. I should have known from past experinece that this wasn't going to work. Three and a half hours later, I finally got out of bed. So the day didn't get off to the start that I hoped it would. Here are just a few of the other things that put me in a good mood this morning...
  • I didn't go to the gym, so I feel lazy
  • I didn't do laundry over the weekend, so I am stuck wearing my fat jeans left over from when I weighed 275 pounds- if you see me walking around today with my pants around my ankles, this is (probably) why
  • I open my curtains to check on the weather only to find that it is raining
  • I get to school and the first thing I do is make my lunch. I brought one of those microwaveable Chunky Soup bowls. Apparently, we have some powerful microwaves at this school because just over halfway through the proscribed 2 minute cooking time, that son of a bitch blew up. And I don't mean a little bit of it splattered out of the bowl, I mean it blew the fuck up. The top blew off and the bowl fell over and pretty much the entire contents except for a potato and two carrots ended up inside the microwave. So, I had the joy of cleaning that up.
  • Since my soup was a lost cause, I decided to go out for lunch. This just thrilled me because I spent over $120 on groceries yesterday so that I would stop spending money going out to lunch.
  • For lunch, I got a cheesestake sandwich and fries from Penn Grill. First of all, nice healthy choice, dickhead. Second of all, the sandwich tasted like ass and the fries were so greasy that I wanted to barf.
That is pretty much my day in a nutshell. And all of that before noon. Just to add to it, I wasted the last 20 minutes writing this fucking blog entry instead of reading for the class that I have later. Is it too early to start drinking. It's five o'clock somewhere. Fuck it all.

Kiss my ass,
Jack

Saturday, February 12, 2005

Budweiser Shootout

Goddamn computer viruses. I had written a nice blog post all about tonight's NASCAR race and next week's Daytona 500. Then my stupid piece of shit computer went and fucked it all up before I could publish it. Now I am so mad that I can't even rewrite the post. Maybe I will write it later, maybe not. This really pisses me off.

Oh yeah, I forgot about prom.

So I forgot to do a post about Barrister's Ball. It was hot. I started drinking at 1:45 pm and didn't stop until sometime early in the morning. Then a bunch of people came back here and we made pancakes. I was entertaining people until about 4:30 in the morning, so I wasn't really in the posting mood by the time everyone left. I figured I would throw this up so I can post a link to the pictures and you can make up your own stories to go with them.

Pics are here

Friday, February 11, 2005

"I am so not getting that job tomorrow morning."

"I am so not getting that job tomorrow morning." That was SR's quote as we were getting drunk pizza (we were drunk, not the pizza) at the Floyd Heck Marvin Center tonight. The best thing about that quote - and keep in mind, it was me and SR - was that it took place at 10:00 at night. This was just what I needed. After a week of feeling like shit and vomiting non-stop, I went out and enjoyed a "few" adult beverages. The night started out, as you can imagine, at the Front Page (fuck, can't I get away from that place - it wasn't even Thursday). Me and SR were joined by PS, of P-and-E. However, tonight it was just P. Don't worry, E, we didn't talk about you behind your back. PS did have the second best quote of the evening (at least by my twisted sense of humor) with "Man, I just dropped some major ass." It doesn't matter how old I get, farting will always be funny. Some other good lines tonight were, "SR go hit that drunk girl"; "we just passed a homeless guy doing tai-bo" (yes, he really was), and a whole bunch of stuff that was said to CM that I can't even repeat here (partly because it was too vulgar and partly because I just can't remember it). I have to say, however, that the highlight of my evening was hitting a double bulls eye on my last dart to win a game of cricket by one point. The rest is just gravy. I think i need to start taking a pen and a pad of paper with me when I go out, because i know there were a bunch more funny things that happened to me tonight. Is it sad that I am at this condition at 10:21 at night on a Friday? Maybe, but i don't give a shit. As I think i said at some point during my 12 hour drink-a-thon last Friday, "I love drunk". Until next time, go fuck yourself San Diego.

Peace,
Art Vandalay
Importer/Exporter

Thursday, February 10, 2005

This Is Bad

How sick am I? Well, it's 8:06 on a Thursday and I am watching "Joey". That's not the worst part...last night, I watched "The Simple Life." I think this warrants a trip to the emergency room. I can't even remember the last time I have been this sick. It all started Thursday while sitting in the soft lounge, and I have been pretty much useless since then. Apparently, it is possible to dry heave so hard that the muscles in your back and shoulders hurt the next day. And just when the pain in your back and shoulders go away, you realize that your chest and throat hurt so much that it is painful to cough, laugh, burp or even breathe. I have managed to have 6 bottles of Gatorade in the past 24 hours or so. I even had some soup last night, which was a big step. However, I was so lightheaded all day today that paying attention in class was not an option. So I came home and now I am doing everything I possibly can to put off preparing for my oral argument tomorrow. I think my plan is just to have a heavy, spicy lunch and puke all over the courtroom. May it please the court...BLEEGHHH. At least I am not alone in my misery. EB just IM'ed me that she literally tossed her cookies. She just took a big step and tried to eat some cookies and a half hour later she decided to tell me that they ended up in the toilet. I guess that isn't a good sign for those chicken strips I just ate. Oh well, I'm getting pretty good at this whole puking thing - I can't remember the last time I've done this sober. I guess I had better wrap this up, Will and Grace is coming on. God, why can't I just die already.

Friday, February 04, 2005

It Is Finished

My motion memo is finished. It is 12 pages. It is 2,501 words. It is probably pretty shitty. But...it is finished. That sonofabitchinbastard has been the bane of my existence for the past week and a half. It played a large role in the last post I wrote. I finally finished it around 1 this morning and it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. The best thing is that the SBA planned a big party tonight so that I could celebrate.

So it's Friday afternoon and in a few hours we will all be at the Barrister's Ball (a.k.a. law school prom). I am actually taking a stroll down memory lane right now. When I was an undergrad, my fraternity always had its big parties and formals on Fridays. These Fridays always seemed extra special, and I feel like I am back on one of those Fridays right now. First of all, it always seemed like our parties fell at the end of a very stressful week, so by the time Friday afternooor rolled around, everyone was ready to tie one on. Additionally, there was always much anticipation leading up to these parties, just as there has been all this week for Barrister's.

In order to make it feel more like those extra special Fridays back in the day, I decided to be proactive and bring back some of what were my own personal traditions for the afternoons before big dances. First of all, I started drinking as soon as I got home from class. Second of all, I have my music blaring to get me in the mood. I am alternating between myDave Matthews DVD, which is my apartment cleaning music, and random mp3s on my computer. The best thing is that I have a little bit of a buzz going on and I am the only one here, so when I stumble across a really good song, I bust a move like that kid on the video that has been going around
I just wish that i had a video camera, because I am coming up with some hot new dance moves. In a little while, I plan on bringing back that greatest of all pre-party traditions, drinking in the shower. For those of you who have never done this, I highly recommend it. It is wonderful because you get to keep your pre-party buzz going while you are getting ready. After that, pre-party at my place. At first I didnt want to have it here, but now that i think about it, it's great because i dont have to worry about leaving and dragging a case of beer somewhere.

I guess i had better get back to cleaning my apartment, since people are going to be here in a little bit. Hopefully, i will have some good stories and pictures to share with y'all tomorrow.

Until then...

Peace,
Jack

p.s. the only bad thing is that it is 4:30 and I already had to break the seal - that could be problematic.

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

Here you go, CD

So I have been getting a lot of flack recently for not updating my blog more often, including a comment from CD on my last post. Deb has her own theory as to why this is that I find pretty interesting - you should ask her about it. While I wish that were really the explination, it unfortunately isn't the case (at least, not all of the time). No, the real reason that I haven't posted anything recently is that I haven't felt funny recently. When I am not funny, I don't tend to write because it usually turns out like this one, and who wants to read this kind of stuff all the time. And the reason I haven't felt funny recently is that right now I am feeling more stressed out than I ever have in my entire life up to this point.

If you feel like you want to stop reading now, I would tend to say that is a good idea, but I am going to continue writing because I already started and it's too late to stop now.

I am feeling stressed out because my grades from last semester made me realize that the amount of work I was doing back then just isn't going to cut it - I need to start actually reading and comprehending the material and paying attention in class. I am feeling stressed out because I have a stupid memo for a pass/fail class due in four days and, not only have I not written a word yet, I don't even know where to start. I feel stressed out because not only have I not sent any resumes out yet, I haven't even written a resume, due in no small part to the fact that I have never had a "real" job in my life that I can put on a resume. Taking a big picture view, I feel stressed out because I am 25 years old and getting older everyday, I have arguably lived one third of my life, and I feel like I have yet to accomplish one worthwhile thing to be proud of. I feel like my life won't be validated until I graduate from school and start a successful career. And the way things are going right now, I feel like if I don't get my ass in gear, I am setting myself up for failure. Add to that the fact that for the first few weeks of the semester I was battling with a heavy bout of depression that sapped my motivation to the point where I have been behind from day one and right now I feel like I am trying to drink water out of a fire hose.

I have no idea why I just wrote all of that. I do know that it wasn't to get anybody to feel sorry for me - I absolutely hate that and it would only make me feel worse. I guess there was some theraputic effect in putting it all out there. Additionally, hopefully it helps explain somewhat why I have been acting weird since we got back from break which has been the case according to numerous people.

Anyway, there's my blog update. Probably not what people had in mind. Hopefully, there will be some crazy stories to tell after Barrister's Ball on Friday. Until next time...

Peace,
Jack