Days Until I Am No Longer A 1L:

Thursday, January 06, 2005

49ers Realize They Blow, Name CD Captain

SANTA CLARA, Calif - The San Francisco 49ers came to the realization that they are embarassingly horrible today, and fired the entire organization. Taking their place will be a flag football team from George washington University named Toejam, led by team mother CD...

Seriously, how bad have the 49ers become. I'll have to admit, I was raised as a 49ers fan, and I tend to keep an eye on them as the season goes on. This year, it hurt too much to watch. I was raised in the post-cardinals, pre-Rams stage in St. Louis, so there was no home team to root for. My mom, however, was a Niners fan, so, in order to keep the peace, everyone in the house was a Niners fan. Even though I was just a kid, I remember the glory days of the 49ers. Montana to Rice. Bill Walsh. The Catch. &8 Super Bowl wins in one decade. What the hell happened.

In case you don't know, the impetus for my 49ers tirade is that I just saw that they fired Dennis Erickson on ESPN.com (what a suprise). There were some other things I saw on there that made me happy (and by happy I mean not really all that happy).

First of all are my beloved Cardinals. I am not too impressed with their off-season moves. Yes, we did get Mark Mulder, which, if nothing else, puts an end to everybody else in the world telling me about how we have no ace on our pitching staff. Other than that, I don't think things are going so well. There are a number of things that I am not happy with, and in no particular order, they are:
  • We got rid of Mike Matheney. I know he wasn't that great at bat, but he is arguably one of the best defensive catchers in the game. Plus, he did all he could to get the rest of the team to listen to country music.. And I don't know how I feel about a guy named Yadier. He may be good, but really...Yadier? Seriously?
  • We got rid of Steve Klein. He is not really that great, but I have to respect a man who purposely wears a disgustingly dirty hat as a sign of fespect for his working man hometown. There was actually a Steve Klein Hat Day at the stadiul where they gave dirty hats to the first 20,000 fans. Also, with him gone, I lose my "I know somebody who knows somebody who is allegedly sleeping with one of the Cardinals" connection, for whatever that's worth.
  • Finally,, and this is the biggie, we didn't resign Edgar Renteria. Even worse is the fact that he signed with the Red Sox. I mean seriously, how do we not resign this guy. When he did leave, I fiugred we would go out and sign Cabrerra, but obviously that didn't happen either. Who did we get? None other than perennial all star David Eckstein. Wait a minute...David Eckstein? Really? Really? I think I have a goldfish taller than him. At least we got a decent young second base prospect. Oh wait, that's right, we are still struggling to sign Robbie Alomar. Didn't he make it to the big leagues during the Hoover administration? Why don't we sign Barry Larkin and have the oldest double play combination in the history of baseball. We could have Prune Juice Day at the ballpark.
Here's one more little tidbit on ESPN that makes me happy. On the little personalized sidebar thing I keep track of a few teams. One of them is the ol' alma mater, St. Louis U. The SLU basketball team is 2-10. They are last in C-USA. However, it isn't so bad when you consider the basketball powerhouses they have lost to. Oh, wait, that's not true. They have lost to the following teams...
  • Austin Peay (A school from the U.S. Virgin Islands. Really. No, seriously.)
  • Eastern Michigan
  • Oral Roberts
  • Hawaii
  • Wisconsin Milwaukee
  • Gonzaga
  • Dayton
  • Southern Illinois
  • Southeast Missouri State
  • Iowa
Yes. You read that right. We really did lose to all of those teams. And what did we do to combat our ineptitude? That's right, we gave the coach a 5 year extension. How cute.

Well, I think I had better quit reading ESPN.com before I go murder a homeless guy. Before I go, I will leave you with this...
  • Bulleted lists are freakin' sweet
  • 49ers blow
  • I am getting too old to handle Taco Bell when drunk
That's all I got.