Days Until I Am No Longer A 1L:

Sunday, October 24, 2004

CM, You Are The Biggest Bitch Ever!

CM is the biggest bitch ever, NS almost lit himself on fire, Papa John's estoppel, AS losing her keg stand virginity, newspaper fights, and, oh yeah, the f&*%ing Red Sox won, God D%&*#it. Wow, where do I start. What a hell of a night.
Let me tell you about CM first. So we are playing a spirited game of asshole. Aparently the rule is that a four is a "transparent" card and when you play it everybody drinks. For two games in a row, PE plays a four as his last card. Each time this happened, CM about lost his mind and said that was against the rules. On the next hand, when he was the first one to go out, CM gets all like "I know this is a weak move" and PLAYS A FOUR FOR HIS LAST CARD. WTF!!! Needless to say, the room erupted in bedlam, CM jumped over the back of the couch and ran into the kitchen to hide, and we all proceded to tell him how much of a bitch he was. I mean seriously, he bitched uncontrollably about playing a four as your last card, then he turns around an does exactly that. I don't even know what to say. I think the best thing to come out of the asshole game was a new CM move. It wasn't the delayed laugh, it wasn't the table slap laugh, it wasn't even the guy next to him slap. No, at one point, our boy literally broke into convulsions and ran out of the house he was laughing so hard. I almost lost my mind when this happened.

So, we get to AS's before the game even starts and we decide to order some pizza from Papa John's. We wanted two cheese, a pepperoni and a mushroom - that doesn't seem too hard, does it? I kid you not, it was two and a half hours before the guy showed up, and he got estopped big time. I don't know how many times we called Big Papa to ask where the hell our pizza was, but each time we did it was an adventure. The first time we called, they told JM that they coudn't accept a cell phone number because their driver can't call cell phones from his cell phone. What kind of fucked up plan is he on. Later, when we called back, the lady on the other end said "I don't work here, I just answer the phones." O.K... The last time he called, JM was finally able to talk to a manager. I don't know what he said regarding the pizza, but as he was hanging up, JM did hear him ask, "where my chile at?" It was at about this time that we decided to defer to Domino's. As I said, about two and a half hours after we ordered, the Papa John's guy finally showed up with our pizza. Here's the best part. At first, he tells us that all he can give us is six dollars off of our order (which the manager told us would be free). After some bitching, he said he could do half off. At about this time, the Domino's guy called and said he was five minutes away with our pizza. At this point, we basically told the Papa John's guy to go fuck himself.
Wow. I just rambled on for a long time about pizza. I just made that story not funny at all because I took too long to tell it. For brevity's sake, i am just going to try to his the rest of the highlights really quickly.
  • AS did her first keg stand ever tonight. It lasted about three seconds. (Seriously, Aly, you spent about ten times longer trying to get out of it than you did actually doing the keg stand.)
  • Every guy there stepped up and did a keg stand - I was impressed (plus, TM had beer come out of his nose).
  • At one point, I saw NS almost light his pants on fire.
  • TM poured beer on his junk (before he was even drunk).
  • Georgia B was using the air from the empty keg to clean his hands off.
  • This isn't a highlight at all in my book, but the Red sox won game one of the World Series. SW and I were the only two Cardinals fans there. Personal rant time. I spent 24 years of my life in St. Louis. I live and die by the Cards. Instead of bedtime stories, I grew up listening to Jack Buck give play-by-play on KMOX. So it only makes sense that, for the first time since I have been old enough to appreciate it that the Cards have made it to the world series, I am living in Washington D.C., where I am surrounded by Red Sox fans. Therefore, I am skipping two days of class next week so I can go home to watch games 3 and 4 in a bar in downtown St. Louis, where I will be surrounded by nothing but Cardinals fans.

I just have to end this by talking about the newspapers on the way home. I am not happy about this one bit. I took all those newspapers out of that box so that everyone would have something to do as we walked through the ghetto on the way home. I am not suprised that the papers ended up being used as weapons against each other on the way home, but how in the name of Zeus's butthole did I end up getting the worst end of this deal. I mean seirously, I took those papers out of the kindness of my own heart, so that you would all have something to occupy yourselves with, and I end up getting the shit beat out of me. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that I would end up on the ground in the metro station getting slapped in the face with a rolled up newspsper. I just have to say, SS, I am not going to forget that.

Well, I guess I have rambled on for long enough. I don't know how I feel about these posts. I am usually pretty drunk when I write them, but not drunk enough to not realize that I just rambled on about nothing for the last half hour. Hopefully, some of you will find humor in this. If not, well fuck me.

Regards,
Jack

p.s. If any of you remember something funny from this night that I left out, just let me know (I"ll be honest, my memory is a little fuzzy right now.)